Waiting...

...for the weather to let up so I can walk home without getting too wet.
...for this evening to come so I can have my massage and manicure, then go to Rock Solid.
...for Helen to arrive tomorrow evening so she can chill.
...for my brain to slow down so I can listen to God.

I've spent the day in relative silence (as much as you can have with three people in an office) after being challenged this morning to spend time listening to God and to do it every day...which for me means getting up earlier to do Bible reading notes, not having the TV or the radio on from the moment I step in the door or wake up and (this one is the hardest of all) not thinking while it is silent around me.

All too often I think 'right I'm going to listen to God' and then I spend that time thinking of what I need to be doing or I'm praying, which is talking to God, rather than listening. It's really lazy of me to start jabbering in my head when I'm trying to listen, after all I don't do it when I'm listening to my friends - I'm totally focused on what's coming from their mouth, otherwise I wouldn't be a very good friend.

So now I am going to try my hardest not to talk whilst I'm listening. What are you going to do?

I'm going to post pictures of my Christmas tree at some point, when I've got a few moments. The weather is not going to be clear or sunny again today, and if I don't leave now, I'm never going to get home. It's winter and it's starting to show!

Time to get back to work!

Its funny how a week ago life was slow. Now Christmas is coming up rather fast. Things have picked up quite a lot. We've got various things happening all at once in the office and in church too. We're looking forward to the New Year as well as trying to focus all our energy into the next week and a half.
Trev came back from training more tired than when he went which is a little worrying.
I've spent a majority of the day (and I'm still not finished...why am I blogging?) on Alpha stuff, which is good.
I'm excited about the new term and the possibility of a youth centre, we did a walk round as a team this morning and it has loads of potential! Watch this space...

Thinking it over

There are so many things to think about at the moment. Christmas is approaching fast (and it's all I seem to write about) and therefore the New year isn't that far off. We had a 14-18's meeting this evening which covered so many things. There's an awful lot to think about when there's so much going on in the ministry you're involved in.

Being busy is obviously a blessing in disguise for some. So bear a thought for Ant and Helen who are both struggling in their own ways at the moment.

It's important that a lot of prayer goes into the next month at least (if not forever, but you know what I'm getting at!).

I'm also starting to realise just what it means to be single and what effect it is having on me at the moment.

Pray and pray hard, but be sincere. I know that God feeds the birds, so He will do more for me than I can ever imagine! Ask and it will be given, knock and the door will be open.

Getting into work...

...at 11am. Gotta love it! Although I did get soaked - it started raining as I left the house and stopped just after I got into the office!
I'm leading f.h.c.u. at lunch time and have the minimal amount of prep, which is why I'm working and blogging at the same time.
The radio seems to have taken the Christmas thing too far already. Commercial radio is using 'Santa's world tour' before playing a Christmas song - all of which I am slowly realising are at least 10 years old! No-one has done a Christmas themed song for yonks! I don't think the invention of X factor has helped! And 'Santa's world tour'? Really? Find something different..please. Or just play the songs, they don't need an introduction!
Ok, enough ranting, got to get back to work!!

Its so cold my hands are staring to hurt if I don't put them in my pockets! How brilliant is that? We're finally getting into the proper winter weather. But that does mean that I'm going to get some sort of sickness soon. Oh well. Looking forward to the next few weeks, we've got parties and gatherings that the entire village has been invited to.
Last night was excellent, in fact my day off yesterday went really well. I've almost finished my Christmas shopping and wrapped everything in one afternoon. The icing on the cake was seeing An audience with Take That last night. I was sat in front of the TV with the biggest smile on my face and in awe of what I was seeing. It was just amazing. The boys have aged really well and the music as with them. I want to see them in concert now. They have updated all of their old songs and done some really clever things with them. I wasn't sure that patience was a good song, but it grew on me.
The Mix is going on tonight and its called 'Christmas Unwrapped' which apparently is the regular talk for the Christmas Mix, it also means that today is a month from when I split up with Henry. I'm praying that I hold it together. I'm starting to miss various things about our relationship and am in danger of doing stupid things, so pray for strength.
I'm reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell at the moment. Its a great book. Read it...you'll be amazed at what you find.

RE:fresh

Can someone enlighten me as to the benefits of BetaBlogger (or the other way around?). I have no clue as to a) why it is any different from normal blogger and b) why I keep getting told that I need to change!

Thank you people who have commented. I'm on my way to figuring out the lightbulb situ, just haven't had any good light to do it in, seen as I have been out of the house for a good 11 hours today and I'm going to be out for most of tomoro! Christmas shopping again!

RE:fresh this evening was good, but it seems I need eyes in the back of my head to keep up with what is going on around the coffee shop. I also need to start learning everyone's names, cos I'm totally clueless at the moment...how long have I been doing this for?

Google-ing

I have just done the one thing Rob Bell says he never does - I googled my name - firstly Liz Fisher and then Elizabeth Fisher, and found a lot of interesting websites - none awful, but all of ladies with the same name, doing things I have always wanted to do. How scary is that? I found a family tree website, an art critics website and various University lecturers have the same name. Fortunately I haven't come across anything about me.

But hopefully if I mention my own name enough I might come across myself some day!! How vain am I?

Discipline

Tonight was the first night of Rock Solid rules and discipline. Hats off to Trev, it worked! They were ok, and I'm starting to like some of them. I get to play bad cop, which means laying down the law and making some of the calls. They hate me, but it means that Trev gets to make friends with them.

I'm currently listening to a few of the old tunes on Yahoo! Music. I've come across Christina with pink highlights and Vanessa Carlton! Top stuff!

After plunging myself into darkness earlier and after finding the fuse box I have discovered I have blown a bulb in the kitchen and I have no idea how to sort it out! Its either going to mean I have to find a boy or I cook in darkness for the next few weeks. Its a dodgy lightbulb - one of the flat ones and the actually fitting is falling out of the ceiling. Ummm...some help please?

Youth Alpha, devotionals and mince pies

I'm leading youth alpha in the new year! Argh! It's going to be great though, I know that there are teenagers who are asking all the questions Alpha hopes to shed some light on. I'm slowly learning that not all questions have to have answers (I think its becoming a theme in my life!).
The devotional went really well this morning. I was aware of God's presence and was blessed with a picture (I get them a lot!) that indicated to me that I can not do things on my own!
As for mince pies - I'm afraid Christmas has come too early for some. I'm a regular listener to GWR Bristol and the lads on the morning show have been in a pie eating contest this week! Very funny and I'm dying to know how badly they did!!

101 things

Christmas is coming thick and fast, but there are a few people who are putting it off until the end of the first week proper of Advent. Yes we are just 2 days away from the first day of Advent. Which also means I only have 50 hours (at time of writing) until I can get my hands on the fair trade chocolate that is still on the piano (it's in an Advent calendar, if you're not getting my drift.)
The weather has been funny over the last few days, we've gone from blazing sunshine to torrential rain and back again, since Sunday morning, rather strange, it's the very end of November and I'm still wondering if a coat is absolutely necessary.
This evening was spent with Mettle group C who are a wonderful bunch of hard working teenagers and have questions about faith and Christianity that would envelope the world, if they were all written down. Needless to say my head is swimming, but I want them to keep asking the questions that matter to them and not to stop. I've done that recently and it means I'm not asking God anything, which can be a dangerous place to be in. Questions are what keep things going, if someone answers with a 'no', what, naturally do we do? We find a way for there to be a 'yes', either by nagging (kids at Christmas) or asking different questions.
I feel that there is a lot the group can achieve but finding space for them to meet and discuss all of these questions is going to be a challenge.
Tomorrow I'm leading our team time, which I'm ever so slightly nervous about, because I haven't lead anything for ages, especially devotional times. Not for years. So I'm praying, hard, that God would talk through me and that tomorrow morning flies by!
On other things that I am nervous about, I have booked a therapeutic massage for next week, which I've never done before, and it comes with a free manicure, which I've never had before, so not only am I going to be totally relaxed in the run up to Christmas, I'm also going to have very pretty hands!! So The next ten days are going to be interesting for me.

Sherbert fountains, registers and accents

Some of the things that have cropped up during RE:fresh this evening. The wonderful young people who come along to our coffee shop have so much to talk about, from Harry Potter (new movie in July) to Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean and of course Orlando Bloom, boys, girls, football, accents and sweets. A range of things, in one conversation I had this evening. Recently RE:fresh has had problems, but tonight felt more positive, a lot more relaxed and open, we're slowly getting it right. God is in everything we do and I pray constantly for openings in groups so I can talk to people I would be scared of talking to. Its a confidence booster all round really. I also get to find out who has the most power in a group, who is a leader, and which ones would cause the most trouble if they had the chance to.

We're coming up to a busy time for this group, for many they are facing mock GCSE exams and making hard decisions about where they want to do their AS levels, others are at the very beginning of a long road, that leads to GCSE's. Christmas is going to be interesting and there is not very long left before the schools close their doors for the holidays.

On accents - something of note - I've been told twice today that I don't sound like I come from Essex, I met a Chelmsford boy and I think we were both surprised when we found we were from the same area! Neither of us had a strong Essex accent - much to the amusement of the German who was standing with us, though I didn't realise he was from a totally different country until he said 'who is Lee Evans?'! The young ladies I was speaking to this evening assumed I'd lived in Bristol and gone to school in Bristol, which I don't often come across, its a little strange to get an 'oh, we didn't realise' reaction from a group of girls who I've known since september.

Any way, I must get going, downstairs that is, CSI is on.

Not a lot going on!

Well for me at least, being super organised has its downfalls too.
I spent yesterday with Mary, who was down from Norwich for a few days. We went to the Student meal, which has come on in leaps and bounds since I was last there, we've started doing a Bible study now, which fits better with where we are. We're still hearing from other people in the church along side this though. We had pie for dessert, which was the cheapest thing in the world to do - thank you Sainsburys! Mary left this morning after staying the night. It's been brilliant to see her and my other friend - James, who has a mind very similar to Rob Bell, in capacity!
I'm looking forward to Christmas now, I'm going to be at home with people who are on my wavelength and understand what is going on in my life. I just have to do all of the shopping to go with it! Woop! Is saturday a good day to start?

Enough to keep me ticking over

Which generally means I am thinking so much that I'm not sleeping. I went out yesterday evening to see two very good friend, who I haven't seen since August. We had dinner at Zerodegrees - which is a pub in Bristol that brews its own drinks! It was really good. I had some conversations that I haven't had in ages and I understand more of the world when I talk to these particular people.
My boss has made a good point about life - your desk (if you have one) often reflects your state of mind. He has some good things to say about the conference too - check out his blog here.
I'm currently listening to the new delirious album, its good, but I'm still not sure about their celebrity status in the world, some times it all seems a bit strange. There's a question for you to think about 'What are the thoughts and feelings behind 'Christian celebrities', is it wrong or right? Does the faith need it?'
I got over my thoughts about anniversaries and I'm moving on to think about those who have passed on. My Grandads ashes are being buried tomorrow. And sacrifices - an assembly in Filton!

The weekend and anniversaries

This weekend the whole of the Youth team and Mark traveled to Eastbourne to spend some time in the company of other youthworkers from up and down the country. Yes it's that time of year again, its Youthwork: The Conference. We went for the early day because we are full timers, and lucky to have the time off (umm...). We spent a whole day listening to the teachings of Rob Bell, which was amazing. He's full of information that means he can talk without notes, just a Bible in his hand. He's a revelation really. Very cool and very humble too.

He fried my brain though (in a good way), so the rest of the weekend was tough, but I still enjoyed it! Got a chance to see some youthworkers I haven't seen for ages, the cheltenham bunch in particular! Hello Luke!

I was a tad disappointed with some of the seminars as they didn't answer some of the questions they seemed to be asking. I'm a very practical person, so need to hear other people's ideas of how to solve problems, not hear about different models of church, when we're talking about unchurched and churched groups. And I know I'm not the only one.

So I came away from the weekend refreshed and wanting to ask more questions about faith and life, and Rob Bell (who doesn't google his name!). I also came away a little sad. Yesterday was going to be an anniversary for Henry and I but obviously that didn't happen. I have started to talk about everything now though, and things are becoming a little clearer!

All wrapped up!

Nice and warm in the house by myself, getting a little frustrated at having cable and nothing interesting to watch!!
I finally found a way of getting the parcel that has been sent to me. The bus services around here are pretty good, shame the internet is not that good at telling me where Patchway delivery office is!Any how, I'm on my way to getting it sorted and finding out what is in that package!
I was going to have a huge rant about the Royal Mail, but I'm too tired to tell you that the card they put through my door was entirely wrong about their online redelivery system and that their office hours are utterly stupid! If you're nowhere near the delivery office, you've got little chance of getting there between 7am and 12noon! Really? What do postmen and women do with their afternoons? I know one who completed his degree whilst doing a round, is it that difficult to keep an office open in the afternoon?
Rant over with. I'm going to make stupid noises at the Goldsmiths website - by the way I'm tired!

Feeling Low

I'm in the office on my own and ok I'm not listening to the best music (Nooma soundtrack cd) but I'm still feeling a little low. Can't put my finger on why, but its how I'm feeling. I guess life is a little strange at the moment. I've not got a lot to do and I'm having to get used to a life style change. I'm also not sleeping well because of the stress of everything that has happened, I suppose.

Pray for Helen...

To and fro

Well I'm back in Bristol after a short week at home and soon I will be off to Eastbourne for a couple of days!

I got in late after a train broke down, so I missed seeing the girls at f.h.c.u. but now I'm in the office and I have been told to take it slow! I've been sorting out my photos of my graduation and as always, you can find them by clicking on the pink box in the right hand column or going to flickr.

Not a lot is going on this week other than mentally preparing myself for the weekend and the youthwork conference. Again its another weekend that is going to be emotionally draining, and in a strange place for a few days. I know I want to go and I know I have to prepare myself for it. But being ill and emotionally drained already I do wonder!

Yes I'm all kinds of ill again. I can't escape from the cold weather so my throat and lungs are in protest at the moment. I fear I may have under done my need for sleep while I was at home, and have got a very tickly throat. I am also stressed and the muscles my shoulders are like rocks! I think I may need to be pampered!

Oh well, Christmas is truly on the way and so are all the parties we have to organised and be a part of.

MSN and Support

I logged on this evening to find I was bombarded with people talking to me on MSN, which is brilliant, but annoying at the same time. I can just leave the thing to flash at the bottom ofthe screen which means I can't do anything until I've said goobye to a majority of them. And every time it flashes up in the corner, I have to look at it! Argh!

Not a lot else has gone on today, I have literally done nothing, except cook a lasagne that over flowed! I will get it right one day.

For all of those who are worrying about me, I am told I am coping extremely well with what is going on. The only thing i'm not tolerating at the moment is people leaving doors open,so that I can't feel my fingers when I'm typing - there is no draft when the computer room door is shut!

Its the little things you do

I think the time has come for me to tell you what is going on in my life thats made me so quiet over the last few days. I'm still trying to get my head around it all so forgive me if this all seems a little random.

I'm not with Henry any more. There's a lot that surrounds this statement, a fact, a truth of life that I now have to deal with in the best way I know how. Thankfully my boss and staff team know quite a bit about coping already, so have sent me home for at least a week, so I can recover and 'get myself right'. Its a shock but actually had been coming for a long time. Distance and personalities were among a few reasons, but I don't want to go into detail.

I know that I'm being lead down a different path and there have been a few markers to suggest that the relationship we had was not meant to go into marriage and I'm sure that you can understand they are personal to me. Its fair to say that other people have spotted these too.

So I have taken myself off wedding group mailing lists and have attempted to get deposits back from various companies today. I also had lunch with my nan and spent some money on a very sparkly top for going out on friday night.

We shall see how the rest of this year goes, now that I am single and sticking (as hard as I can) to what God wants for my life. Back to work on tuesday moring - I shall find out how well I'm coping very soon.

Interesting

Its been an interesting weekend, for reasons known to me and a few close friends, and you, dear reader, at some point in the future, but not now. It's not right first thing on a Monday morning and so soon after what has happened.
I got guess the year wrong this morning, which I'm gutted about. Although having looked at all the evidence I'm sure that I'm not the only one who thought they were right!
Yesterday evening was interesting as well, with all that is going on, we were down to do detatch work at the Mix, which means standing outside, looking after those who want a fag or a breather. I'm probably not the best person to do detatch work, striking up a conversation at the best of times is hard, but especially with people I don't know. I'll get used to it I guess, it's part of my job, so I have to, but with everything else that is going on, I'm not the most focused person in the world right now.