4 years ago

Today is the anniversary of my last big break up. I split from Henry, who was my fiance. The last four years have been difficult to put it in a word, though that doesn't explain why or how, or how different things are now. I'm still really rebuilding my life I guess.

It's sent me into a bit of a wobble really. I was blogging nearly every day at that point, so re-reading the account is hard to do. I still can't learn a lot from it and it seems like this time of year is the moment where I step back at take account of what I've done, who I have surrounded myself with and where I am with God. I wish I knew how to put it all into words, but I only have sounds right now and a sense of wanting to give up.

I always underestimate this time of year. Last year I had a wobble, almost out of nowhere and almost lost someone close to me because of it, the year before was not great either and in 2007 I was decorating my room this weekend with two wonderful friends who are now married.

The next couple of weeks is looking good for being busy and having space to think too. I'm working this weekend, so I've got a day off in the middle of the week. Seeing a good friend too for quite a lot of the time!

Remember, Remember

It's November and the world is changing, colours are now oranges and yellows, there's a breeze running through the house every time you leave a door open and there's an unmistakelable chill in the air, that won't be gone until mid-May! (I really wanted to say April, but I would be lying) It's that time of year when I lack motivation for wanting to get out of bed too early, though this week I have felt the benefits of early nights and early mornings, happily! I think the clocks going back has helped this a little, but my enthusiasm will soon die, I think!

Once again, we've had a debate about switching the clocks. In the spring, it's because the animals get caught up in traffic when the nights get lighter (and not in t good way) and during the autumn it's all about trading hours for business people, as I understand it. Now I don't normally listen to the news very carefully, but it seems that this time around, in 2010, there have been some lengthy discussions about taking action - do we stick with GMT or BST. The days get longer no matter what the time is, we definitely get more sun in the summer and less in the winter, but the system is so old that it would be too different. And it's not something you can change at half an hour a time, or even by fifteen minutes! I don't know what the solution is, but I know you can't please everyone, so you've got to put up with it. It's not the reason the economy is failingg, if that was really the case, we'd have gone bankrupt a loooooong time ago!

You may or may not know that my sister is married. To Robert, who is an American. He's living here now after what must seem like an age of waiting for my sister. It's been an interesting time, but I'm going to meet him on Saturday and we'll see how things go. Sorry if I caused any alarm with my last post. It was the night before they got married and emotions were running high.

As time goes by

The last ten or so weeks have been a rollercoaster for my family, in it's many different forms and ways. Maybe one day I'll write about it in full somewhere, but for now, please pray, if that's what you do. God knows what is going on and if you could just say my name to him that would be great.

Thank you to every single person who has already prayed with me or for my mum and dad, who I'm missing so much already. Your support is invaulable and of the highest praise, so please, if I don't thank you personally, take this as some way towards a thank you. It is times like these when I know I couldn't do things on my own.

I thank God for you.

Harvest pt. 2

My brother said yesterday that he was buying a Euromillions ticket with thoughts of becoming famous if he won... A good idea, but on the fame stakes for the family, I am miles ahead of him already. Two Blue Peter appearances under my belt and various news articles, prove that I'm a little more famous than he is (does infamy count though?).

My latest escapade comes in the form of a newspater article... the last time I had my photo taken for the paper was when I had curly hair! So a very long time ago... but here's the evidence



Don't I look good!?!?! Bear in mind that I had spent a wet afternoon in Norsey woods... but I look happy at least.

Today we have had the second harvest festival from Brightside school. They do a wonderful job of putting things together for an event that, according to the BBC, is dying out. We are living in a constantly changing world - and that shows by not hearing any familiar songs this morning - so children are viewing harvest differently. It's interesting though, school is already different from what I remember. I sound like an old woman :( I guess I am though.

Time to get my act together!

Last night we had J.John chat to us (DVD!) about adultery, which was really interesting. It was a fresh look at some of the things we're told not to do... but positively what we should be doing in our relationships - particularly with those we are in love with. If you're interested in Just 10 - have a look at the website or youtube for a glimpse of how good Just 10 is!

Harvest Festival

The last weekend was taken over by all things harvest-y. A chance to celebrate the things that we count as our own harvest. For me, it's how thankful I am for the hard work of the people around me, that we've created a space for young people to come to on a Friday and in school too. For the relationships that continue to grow and the opportunities that I have to share the gospel with the community around me.

We celebrated this year by holding a scarecrow festival, our first ever festival, which went down really well with the younger families and some of the adults, we had two entries from St John's school so a dozen scarecrows were voted on and the winner is.... ME! My 'Young person 101' got the most votes but it was a close one. I really enjoyed the problem solving aspect of it, but I think that is partly because I have an artist inside me and she quite enjoyed being let loose for a little bit. Here's my young person



Sport loving, laces undone, hoodie and jean wearing! Typical really!

Here's a really scary scarecrow!



My good friends Helen and Emma spent over two hours putting him together! He did a brief preach, before being dismantled.

We had a lot of fun at the barn dance and Sunday morning was about celebrating everything that had happened and was going to happen. I was most impressed with the pathfinders and the brilliant mime that they did to tell the story... Margaret's message was really good too and we held a collection for our mission partners in South Africa. The band were really good and the whole thing just hung together.

After that I walked around a very wet norsey woods with my parents and some others for 2 and a half hours. I got lost, but it's not difficult to find your way again... At the moment the rain is depressing me a bit as is waking up in the dark too. I'd rather stay in bed! But life goes on and so must I. We then headed back to church for the voting of the scarecrow contest. A man from the paper turned up, so I am going to have my photo hopefully in that this week. All good fun!

It's an interesting time of year.

Eating well

Eating is one of the things I love to do. I have always been near food, I have done a little bit of experimenting in the kitchen, some has worked, some hasn't, but I am a follower of instructions, so I find making things really easy. I also get distracted easily, so I'm often blaming my tools when something doesn't turn out right.

I want my own kitchen most of the time, but I love cooking with Chris and Mum though I love it when Chris cooks for me! I'm looking forward to having a house and being able to fill my cupboards with basics and my freezer with meals. I'm hoping that I will have more than 7 meals in my repertoire when I have a family (after I saw the BBC report the other week!). I'm hoping I'll learn something from Chris' mum and my mum too, as well as my Nan who makes a mean roast.

It's interesting to me when I find a flavour that I didn't expect but tastes like something that I've eaten a lot of the time. I found some crisps that fit that description... here they are



The taste exactly like a curry I've had and I think it's the one that Chris' mum makes! It smells divine though and they aren't too spicy, though if you like a mild curry, it's best to stay away. If you can get hold of some Hairy Biker crips, I would recommend them. Full of flavour!

Cadbury

P.S. I've just heard back from Cadbury and they have taken ywo years to get to the point where their pure diary milk products are fairly traded... they didn't really answer my question.

Does an Advent Calendar not count as pure dairy milk?

I'm disappointed by the answer I've been given. Booo. Not good enough Cadbury! On with the fight!

We also found out from the Kenyan's about their involvement in fair trade... it seems to be helping!

Time for a breather!

This is my wonderful boyfriend, doing something that he really loves. I am really happy that this is a picture in the public domain... it puts a smile on my face every time I see it, every time I remember being at Silverstone for the very first time, knowing that he was wandering around with a media pass. This weekend he was doing the same thing at Brands Hatch... his work for The Checkered Flag has taken over his spare time. He works his socks off with his paid job and then works twice over at the weekend. The life of a sports journalist isn't all flowery shirts and iPads (take note Eddie Jordan)!



This is my lunch today. I am sick again. Not 100% and grateful that I spent all of yesterday afternoon sat down, doing some cutting out. I hope I haven't given what I've got to anyone else. I feel really rubbish, but I have a lot to do still, so onwards and hopefully upwards.

Yesterday we had the ladies from Ciamanda in Kenya at church. It was good to sit and chat with them, and find out about their youth groups and how thing are the same and different in the part of the world that they have come from. I wonder what it is really like. The last time I went to Africa, they were only advertising mobile phones, but in the 8 years since then, everyone seems to have them!

My parents are on their way home from a weekend away to celebrate their 27th Wedding Anniversary. With a wedding on the way... it's their last chance for a holiday. It's nice to have the house to myself for a bit, but it's always nice to have them back!

Not a word....

I finished Her Fearful Symmetry over a week ago and I was a little bit confounded by the ending. I think confounded is the right word. It finished abruptly and it is rather strange, though the whole book leans to strange. Anyway, back I go to the Phillipa Gregory books that I brought a year or so ago and haven't picked up after being a little bit disappointed by one of a trilogy she had written.

I don't really like being disappointed by books. I find it sad that I can leave a book half way through reading it, but some subject matters just don't capture my imagination, and I guess that you can't please everyone so I am going to be disappointed.

This week has been a week to get back into a routine, although every September since I have been a youth worker (volunteer or paid) has been slightly different from the one before. There are days when I suddenly realise that every week is different from the one before, that I can't possibly think of my life ever being the same again. I am a fan of order and knowing what's coming next. I like to have things planned, even though to some it seems that it's chaotic!

I tell you something that is not chaotic at all, and that's the supermarkets already having their christmas stuff on the shelves. It's very organised of them to be thinking about it lng before the rest of us!

I was out last night, after my first night of my second year at CCS when I came across a whole isle dedicated to all things christmassy. Here's the evidence -



Shocking. I know we say that Christmas gets earlier every year, but this is seriously early... there isn't even any hallowe'en stuff in the shops and they have the Christmas stuff out! Sadly, once again, nothing fairly traded (not even the cadbury calendars) so I am on the hunt to find out how I can petition cadbury (and find a fair trade chololate calendar).

Here's hoping that Christmas won't come to soon!

Ch-ch-changes!

I have a pocket bible that my mum gave to me as I started my first year out, and because it is brown in origin, it has taken many different disguises, partly to disguise that it's a bible, but also to give me something to talk about when I meet people for the first time. I normally carry my bible with me, so it gets a lot of wear and tear.

Here's a picture of another makeover that it's just gone through



Twist your head and you'll find that at t the bottom of the picture is the old skin, and above that is the new skin that was used for the refurbishment.

I love my Bible, it's accessible to me and others, it's got notes of talks I've listened to, important reminders of where passages are that are important to me, how I've put Bible verses into context or they've been broken down for me. I have not read all of it, I hold my hands up to that, it is difficult some times to read it. i try to though and when I need it the most, it's more reliable than anything else!

The view from above

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/5/20100918/video/vod-amazing-video-of-workers-scaling-hug-dfc7e2c.html

Have a look at this - I couldn't even watch it all the way through without feeling incredibly wobbly!

There are people in the world who appear to be a lot braver than myself. I guess the only way to get to the top would be to climb up - using a helicoptor would possibly be too dangerous.

Her Fearful Symmetry

I am reading a book I can't put down. I think it's because it's a book about twins and there's a cemetery as well, and it's set in England, and most reference points I can get along with. I am only about 250 pages in, so not finished yet. But I am enjoying it. Not as much as TTW, but I want to find out what is going to happen to the twins and their neighbours, plus other residents.

We are trying to get back in to the swing of things. Dealing with Christmas and Harvest, New Year, All Saints Sunday, tea and coffee, schools clubs, carol concerts, Christingles, Boxing Day being a Sunday this year, the town's fun day, the new members of staff. So much to think on, thankfully I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's tiny and there is a long way to go!

I am happy that I get to be in a different place for half term this year. I'm looking forward to it.

Birthdays

Recently, facebook has told me that there is at least one birthday a day of the people I have added (or have added me). For some of them it's difficult to remember what we did to celebrate those birthdays, but mostly I have some recollection of what birthdays in early September felt like. Being amongst the youngest in the year during my school days meant that there were people in my year who were over 10 months older than me, the way school works in the UK is very strange.

I digress, I'm talking about birthdays because last Sunday, when I was blogging about books, my family were converging on the house to share with Mike as he turned 21. We share stories, about younger days when we were silly and things that have happened more recently. My cousin was unfortunate enough to burn the back of his hand (and some of his kitchen) in a deep fat fryer incident. We were all told about Karen's wedding and talked about dogs, now that we can share stories to help understand how best to look after our dog.

We will always do this I think, pick on each other, call everyone old, find reasons to laugh and joke about the past. Of course we're creating new things to talk about, but the old ones are the best!

Books

In the last 50 mins before the family descend on the house for my brother's 21st birthday, I thought I'd tell you a little bit more about me and my relationships with books.

I can imagine that I am much like the rest of my generation when it comes to reading... otherwise I may start to sound weird, you can let me know what you think. Close family and friends already know I am weird.

I have read a number of books in my time, some were really good, others were awful, there have been easy reads and some have been full of difficult words that I have used a dictionary so that I could get through them.

One book took my imagination and I have written about it and the movie many times. The Time Travellers Wife is one of those books I will read for the rest of my life. I hope.

I do own a lot of books, not nearly as many as some people I know, but I have brought a book case to specifically keep my books in. I own a wide range of books and find that when I'm reading, I sleep better and my imagination gets a work out, when normally I over think things, if I'm thinking about a book, I'm not thinking about other things that might be more harmful to me.

I started with Stephen King and progressed to things about theology and sociology for my degree. I have a number of cookery books and a number of bibles, two very good types of books to live well. My most prized books are the few that are signed, mainly by Jamie Oliver, as my Aunt worked with him for a few years during the beginning of his Sainsbury's campaign. I have a few books that have been brought for me, and I find that buying a book for someone is a highly personally thing to do. One book reminds me of a life that was never meant to be, but once it has been written in, I find it hard to give up. The book I carry around with me the most is my brown NIV, the bible that was given to me by my mum at the start of my first year out. It has pages of notes and little bits of knowledge that I keep going back to. I have lots of books that are waiting to be read.

I recently spent time in Yorkshire with Chris and he took me to a second had book store that had all sorts odd things. I came across a big fat bible, that would have been amazing to own, but I have no where to keep it and it was an odd translation, so I would have little use for it.

You think you're busy!

So the first of September is here, just about.

Today has been a London day with the male youth workers in the town, something that has been in the diary for a long time. I'm glad I've spent the time with them, glad I've got something out of it too. I always find myself having honest conversations with the people that do the same job with me. Something that I think is harder to do with people who don't understand or don't know. Of course it also depends on how long and how much time you spend with someone too. But I digress!

We were in London for a teaching session about CRB and ISA forms. ISA has been put on hold by the most recent government as they think they can streamline it more so it's less complicated for people to understand. Good for them, as it all came a bit out of the blue for me and I still don't really understand why a second regulatory body is necessary, but then, I don't much like the way CRB's have worked any way. So new forms and a promise that it can be done online (making it easier and quicker) in the future. Though one question is popping into my head as I write - surely a signature is a good thing?

Lots of fun to be had and a chance for a rare moment of youth work...talking about life instead of work!

But now we are back and I feel that we will race towards Christmas, very quickly. There is a holiday on the horizon though.

This term is exciting, I'm building relationships with a lot of people and gathering information that I simply wouldn't have come across two years ago when I first started. There's a first, a third and a fifth Sunday to sort in October, and once we get there, we'll be thinking about Advent and Christmas Eve. A youth work conference, a Christmas party, so much more and meetings too! I am glad for flexible days, time off and friends who see the need for relaxation in my life!

What's on my mind...

I'm hoping that doing a short blog will inspire me to work on my talk a little bit more, perhaps putting down some of what is in my head will clear the cobwebs and get me writing.

This weekend I spent time in two places that I've never been to before. I was on the outskirts of North Swindon for a wedding and then to Silverstone for some racing.

On Saturday, we celebrated the marriage of Julie and Paul. Paul used to be the vicar at the church I work for now and Julie was a volunteer. They've been friend for a very long time, so we were all excited when they announced that they were going to get married.

Here's the wonderful couple



With Bridesmaid. I could've put up a photo of the aftermath of the confetti moment, but I know Julie would never forgive me! We spent time as a bunch of friends, chatting and catching up with people that we haven't seen for a long time. Very happy to see my old boss for a few minutes with her wonderful husband



I was at their wedding too! It's exciting that they are moving on and my old boss is going to be a vicar's wife soon! She's even learnt to make marmalade! :) Very happy for all four of them, it's exciting to see how things have changed and what has developed.

On Sunday we got up early, again, and heading two hours north to Silverstone. The journey there was interesting, the sat nav doing it's best to take us off the M1 too early, especially when there isn't much traffic around. We got to Silverstone and were instantly confused. It's a huge circuit, so finding a programme and getting some idea of what is going on was really hard. The staff were ok, but information about important things, like the pit walk and changes to the programme were hard to come by. It's different at Silverstone, because it's not owned by Motor Sport Vision, it's difficult to get my head around how different it can be. The other thing about Silverstone is that there's no cash point at the circuit (in a place that probably needs two or three.)

Any way, we had a really good day, sat in the sun, walking around and watching the BTCC races. Here's a video of Tom Chilton and the boys going round the bend at Maggotts.



Chris and I watched the highlights on Tuesday, only to hear Jason Plato complain all of the time! The less I say about it, the better. I'm still a bit annoyed about all of it really!

Still it was a good result for Team Aon over the weekend and Chris got some good photos. It was his first time with a media pass at a big event, and it was nice to have a conversation with him, whilst he was in the media centre and I was on the pit lane!

Here's a photo to prove that I was there



I love the races and I love that Chris has spent a summer doing somethig he loves. He has worked really hard recently, all of free, so here's hoping he gets some sort of recognition for it in the future. We're hopefully heading to the DTM on the Saturday again in a couple of weeks. More load cars and clever driving.

Other things are happening around me at the moment, some of which are exciting, but others are harder to take on board. There is a lot to do before term starts in a couple of weeks, I've got to get my head around what happened at Soul Survivor and how best to work with it. Seeing what God has put on the hearts of the young people and try to think about my own experiences. Lots of exciting conversations to happen.

There is a wet dog sat at my feet, looking at me, telling me to move on. So I will. There is more to come I promise!

I am still here!

I will blog about the weekend at some point, it's been a hetic one, and I've got some videos to show you too! Promise I will do it before this week is out.

Soul Survivor

Sadly, a lot of people faired better than me upon our return to Billericay. I have suffered for my faith this week, with a nose that's so full of gunk, I can't breathe through it and a stuffed sinus too. It's been painful, but is really insignificant compared to the work of my Creator and the freedom I find in His love.

There are things for us to work through, ideas, prayers to pray and hope. Dreaming big and gathering those around me who can really do wonderful things. We have to dream big, we have to change the world and start with love.

Waiting on God to send the Holy Spirit is something that scares a lot of people, but it is worthwhile, He healed a lot of people while we waited and even healed me! My knees have always suffered from camping and walking, but some of the youth group prayed ovver my knee and the pain went, it was really amazing!

If you want to have a look at the Soul Survivor website (and find the dates for next year) you can click here, if you want to have a look at the videos from God tv to see what it's like of an evening, have a look here.

I do recommend it, it's a 12,000 strong crowd. We witnessed over 500 people start their lives as Christians, and many many more taking a stand to change the world.

I got home, feeling slightly better than when I left the showground, hoping that everyone would turn up soon so I could go home and have a shower. I quickly did that and sent my wonderful boyfriend a couple of messages about how I missed him... little did he know that I would turn up on his doorstep to surprise him on his birthday. it had the desired effect... happy boyfriend!

We've spent time doing the things that he loves, mainly various forms of golf (though none of them proper) and watching the A-Team and eating. I have enjoyed myself, despite the illness of the year knocking me out in the afternoons at the moment. Today I am writing through it, though I may fall asleep before dinner gets called.

Tomorrow we celebrate the wedding of two good friends, who have taken their time to get to this place, but we are all happy - firstly that the groom is recovered enough and that they have stuck together for so long.

Sunday is race day for everyone - we're heading to the BTCC, so were praying for sun and a good couple of races to get the drivers and spectators going. Chris got a media pass for the weekend, so we're both super excited that he will get to stand amongst the drivers (most of whom he has met) for two days.

I need to defrag my computer and sleep!

Off to Soul Survivor

This time, I must remember to change my voicemail so that people know I am on holiday (of sorts).

Staying in a field of five days (the long-winded way of saying 'I'm going camping') is going to be really interesting for me, I've done it before, but with Scouts, which is once again another experience that I can add to the list of things that I have done in my long life. This is different, we are in a field that has portable showers and toilets. With a lot of other people. I know that when there is a shower available I would really like to have one before I start my day, but I think that everyone will be having showers in the morning, so I may have to default to a time that is unusual, but at least I will be clean.

I will do a full write up of the Soul Survivor experience when I get back.

I've finished The Time Travellers Wife, finally, it's not like it was hanging over me, I just knew what was coming and didn't really want to partake in it, knowing how it would make me feel, I still cried and cried at Henry and Claire's story, i think I always will - it is tough knowing that, but at the same time, I have another outlet for the stress and the worry that I come across at certain points of my life.

So now I am reading the sequel to Man and Boy which is another book that I will hold on to in my life. If you haven't read any Tony Parsons, I would recommend you give him a try, if you like real life fiction, he's very good. Dysfunctional families and characters that somehow find their way in the world, very heart warming. I have an even longer relationship with his books. But that's another story.

The really good news is that my best friend is engaged! I'm waiting for a picture of the ring - but here's a picture of us in the mean time



We were celebrating Take That Day - the greatest day of my life! I love Kay very much and I wish her many blessings as she prepares for married life!

Posting videos to blog

In a response to a comment on 'Funsies' - posting a video to a blog isn't difficult at all.

In the post create window, you can hit the last icon on the bar directly above the place where you write your script, and if you have a video file you can post it directly to your blog. If you have youtube videos you can post them by creating the url for the video and pasting that into the script window.

It's that simple - the only problem I have found is that the youtube videos are a little big sometimes, so you can fiddle with the height, but you have to be in the Edit HTML tab to do so.

It can take a little bit of time, but once you've done it once, you can do it again and again.

I use my phone and my digital camera to make videos.

I hope that helps... if not, have a look at blogger help and they might be a bit better - although possibly use more jargon.