The internet =

The bain of my life. This morning it has decided that it doesn't want to work on the non-admin account, despite gleefully logging into MSN first thing. I don't know why, I really don't care (because there is always a way round these things) but it makes life just that little bit more difficult.

Technical support anyone?

I'm currently sitting in a quiet office, because the boys are at a meeting, so I've got some time to sort out posters, tickets and flyers for the Live Band Night which is coming up in two weeks...

Knocked for 6...

No, I'm not talking about the beginning of the Cricket Season (Sorry Ant). It's more about my entire self giving up for a whole three days... A sore throat that escalated (and probably wasn't helped by the cheering done on Sunday night) to a full blown cold by Monday morning...yes I spent Bank Holiday in bed, grumble...lets hope the next one is a little happier and the next couple of days don't completely wipe me out again, as I'm not 100% just yet.

So I'm catching up on things...

P.S.

I know you'll read this first, but it really is an after thought.

Something's going on with the nerves in my body, my index finger on my left hand has been tingling since I got up. I know I've got a trapped nerve, but I'm a little worried that it's taking so long of the tingling to go away!

And pray for the job applications that have been sent this week, this is really important for me, as (like I said last week) I'm feeling a lack of direction.

That's all, now we all must get back to work...

The Internet...

Is now better than it was before. Chris, who is amazing, has updated all of the boxes that carry the internet around the building so hence the internet now works and can cope with having two laptops downloading web pages. Which makes my life a whole lot easier, and means it doesn't take 45 min to check emails in the morning! Thank you Chris!

I've been watching Ant dance and sing in the office - the joy of iPods!

I text my little brother this morning for an update on his friend who was involved in a car crash on Monday night. He's ok, but in pain, still in hospital, waiting for an operation. However, my brother (and Trev) is on top of the world after seeing Liverpool go to the Champions League Final last night, after beating Chelsea on penalties (yes they couldn't do it in normal time). Now we've just got to wait and see if Man U can hold their own tonight against AC Milan, which would mean an all English final! Totally going to have to watch that!!

You have got to be joking...

Having fun with the internet this morning... The only thing that is loading is my page...funny that!

When I find the person who said 'exercise is good for you if you have stomach cramps' I'm going to tell them they got it WRONG. I tried it yesterday and it didn't work, I even took prescribed (to me) drugs, and that didn't help. Absolutely ridicluous, this kind of pain stops you from sleeping as well, so after a rough night, I'm feeling very delicate. Today is not going to be a good one.

One more thing... What is with the BBC's 'opening credits' for the snooker? I've seen it a few times now, being the couch potato that I am (and probably the reason why the running didn't work). I stil haven't figured it out though. Its a white horse and a bull, surrounded by other snooker balls... Sure, I can understand that the horse is the cue ball and the bull is the black, but why those tow animals? Any ideas?

The radio is playing up too, which means listening to Tree 63 so I don't end up throwing the Beast out the very small window!!!

Warning:Do not get on the wrong side of me today!!

Searching...

For a lot of things, but mainly for direction... It must be the time of year, or the fact that I have just come back from Spring Harvest that means I'm doing a lot of thinking right now as to what I'm meant to be doing, over the summer and beyond.

I'm currently sat in the library above a busy coffee shop, which is quite nice really, and it means I get to sit on a sofa!! I'm seriously going to see how far the wireless stretches when it gets hot enough to sit outside...

Yesterday evening we held a social for Youth Alpha+ (Mettle group C) to start off the term, we ate and played Pictionary...a game I never thought could get quite as competitive as it did last night! It was really good fun though, I do love spending time with this group, they are so random and lovely at the same time...

Back to Bristol...

Back to earth with a bump...after being at Spring Harvest. I'd forgotten the 'bubble' effect that such an event has on me. For 6 days, I'm away from home, at work, but on holiday, surrounded by people who are serious about being 'One People', who are Christian in every sense of the word. People who are committed to showing God's love to each other and the world.

It's really strange. It was good fun though, I must say I learnt a lot, about the people around me and myself. The whole atmosphere of the week was brilliant, the worship in the Big Top was awesome and the bible teaching each day gave me something different to process.

But we're back in the world now, and praying for God's comfort for those who have lost relatives or were injured in Monday's shootings in Virginia. I'm quite taken by an email that was read out on BBC News 24 which said that this is not a time for a political debate about the rate of gun crime across America, nor the ease of purchasing a gun...it is a time for mourning, a time to allow people to grieve what has gone on. I agree.

What do you think?

Bank Holiday Madness

No, I am not talking about Sofa sales, kitchen price cuts or hours of discount cars - but trains. Yes, trains. Trains and platform staff, both of whom (yes I know trains can't think) don't seem to have a clue what is going on.

Today I was amongst the 100's of people travelling from Paddington station who were sent away when some kind of incident happened on the tracks just outside the station, causing first great western to cancel all trains going out of paddington, instantly. Leaving me and a few hundred others stranded.

We were told to head to Ealing Broadway where we were promised trains would be starting from to take us the rest of the way. So we finally arrived enmasse at Ealing Broadway, to find only two platforms working, and a serious crowd control problem. The staff at the station did not have a clue how to deal with big angry mobs, who kept seeing first great western trains speed by - knowing that they could be on them, getting to their destinations without a worry in the world.

I finally got to Reading and waited another 50 mins to get a train to Bristol Parkway... of all the times I have been travelling 'cross country, why did the worst journey (so far, and I am not holding my breath!) have to happen the day before Spring Harvest?

So I've filled out a form and I'm sending it off in the hope that I'll get the full price of my ticket refunded because I was delayed for a whole 2 hours 30 mins. And if the train company phone me and say they can't refund my money, I will not be happy!

Any way, Spring Harvest tomorrow, and despite my tiredness, I am looking forward to it...

Being at home...

Comes with all little bits of excitement...

The excitement of Billericay Town Football club being top of the Ryman Premier League, for 4 days in a week!

The excitement of celebrating mt cousins 16th birthday, and realising that the next 5 years are going to be spent celebrating more milestone birthdays and anniversaries.

The excitement (and wonder) of family photos that have been sent to us. Photos that as children in the current family, we've never seen before, time spent spotting various family traits, facial expressions, body language, that have been passed down to my parents and siblings.

You can see the family resemblence! I've seen my grandparents on their wedding day and seen where we get some of it from...


There is a photo of my Grandad and his brother-in-law sitting in a back garden somewhere the day before I was born. Which holds some strangeness and sadness. My parents can't understand why its so weird.


One moment, captured forever, where I existed, but I wasn't born.


My grandad in the garden, with his brother-in-law, enjoying the sun and within a few hours my Gran had passed away, and I was born, my other grandparents celebrated their wedding anniversary too...That was almost 23 years ago.

Its been a little bit of a weird day...but Sunday's a comin'. I'm looking forward to seeing the gang together tomorrow...

Good Friday

Yes, it's that time of year again...

Good Friday is far from good, I don't know where it gets the name, but I'm sure my Dad will explain it at some point on his blog...He's sat next to me, reading over my shoulder! RUDE! (But you've gotta love wireless Internet, sat watching the TV whilst blogging - bliss!)

So today I've been to church and walked through the town, as part of the Walk of Witness, which seems to be 'an Essex thing' as far as I'm aware. We wander through the town, behind three crosses with banners that say various things about what Jesus went through before the was put on the cross. Its a very public statement, and a time for reflection. It ends with a service in one of the two churches at the end of the high street.

Definitely a solemn time for the church across the world, but as my vicar said (and a guy called Tony Compolo apparently) 'Sunday is coming' - there is a time for celebration on the horizon, even when we're at our lowest, there is always a time for celebration.

Off to check whats going on at SH while I'm online (and before I fall asleep)...

Catching up

I have spent the evening with a very dear friend, catching up on whats going on in her life, and, obviously, sitting in my local (in Billericay) means that I'm going to see people I know, and talk to them too.

Ah, being back at home...I could go into a million cliches about how home is like... but I'll spare you, bacuse I'm nice like that.

I have also been catching up on the forum...lots to say and think about right now. Spring Harvest is just around the corner and I'm away from Stoke Gifford right now, so it's kind of a life line to work!! Sad but true, you've gotta love it. I have a feeling it'll go very quiet while we're on holiday...

Among other things...

Yes I know I should probably go home for a bit...or at least for a walk. But instead I'm sat listening to the radio, trying to focus, whilst getting annoyed at my jumper falling apart. Everything I pick up at the moment seems to fall apart in my hands. Not good really...The seem at the sleeve has unravelled, leaving me with a cold wrist.

Man, I'm tired....

Youth Alpha

Ah what a sad day...Youth Alpha finishes tonight. Our final session is 'How do I make the most of the rest of my life?' and it will, as with every session, be lots of fun. Ben Lillie is our guest speaker, and he's bringing one of his young people too!

I've enjoyed the whole course, I've never done Alpha, like I said, right at the very beginning, but I have learnt loads - from how to order chinese for 14 to planning a whole weekend away. Although Y(MC!)A is ending for the older ones, it is only just beginning for the 11-14's. Thursday is the launch night, Trevor has got a good team to lead the 11-14's through the course.

If you'd like to know more visit http://www.alpha.org

So what's the next thing I'm going to be harping on about for the term after Easter? I don't know, probably YA+ or RE:fresh, maybe even more interviews. Spring Harvest might crop up, there's bound to be a few funny moments - we shall see. I haven't been away with the older St Mikes Youth lot yet, but I am definately looking forward to it.

I will try to label my posts too from now on.

Sorry about the poor joke, although you probably all missed it!

Interview

Thank you for all who prayed for me over the weekend. I was at a job interview on Friday, and although I had a really good day, I didn't get the job I'd applied for. You're probably thinking I'm really disappointed, but actually I know there is a job out there that will allow my ministry to develop, I've just got to trust God.

Hence the reason for the blog being strangely quite for a few days. I was busy preparing for the interview. So now, after Palm Sunday, we are heading towards Easter and Spring Harvest.

We were at The Mix yesterday evening and as always I came away from the evening asking questions about my faith and my actions. Really challenging talk and the worship was awesome. I've never felt so calm in such a noisy place.

Keep praying for me...

Oh, and which member of the crowd are you on Palm Sunday? Are you welcoming the King with shouts of acclamation or not? At the front of the crowd, taking in everything, or at the back, not quite sure?

Filton....

...has been great so far!! More than half way through the teaching and we're all tired, but very happy with how its going. I was saying to Karen earlier that God knows my strengths better than I do right now. I'm quite glad He's got my life planned, cos I so don't want to be a secondary school teacher!

Nuff said, I'm off to eat a huge amount at S.A.P.

FILTON!

Ah ha! Just waiting for Trev to get back from Tesco and then we're off to Filton HS for a whole week of teaching.
I have a mixture of feelings about this, and all of them hit me when we were being prayed for as a team yesterday... I was really scared last night and now I'm nervous.
But trusting that God will protect us from all of the things that could go wrong!
Pray for us, pray for Helen!

Day off

Time to relax and think about what is going on next week. Being in school for a good amount of next week, probably means I should prepare myself by getting up early tomoro, or something like that, so I can get in to waking up and not feeling like death warmed up!
I know I'm going to love it, but I already have an appreciation for what its like to be a teacher when the kids don't want to learn, though having sadi that, all of the classes have been responsive and thankful, some even surprised by the fact that human traffiking is still a huge part of the crimial world. If you want to know more about this and Freedom Day (25 March) visit http://www.stopthetraffik.org It's well worth finding out how we can get involved in stopping human traffiking.
Right, I'm off to hunt for food and getting settled for the rugby.

Gospel

Some woman on GWR doesn't know what the 4th Gospel is!! Stupid!

Just blogging cos I've got a moment! Photos online of our day in London. And there are photos somewhere of the weekends activities.

I found the blog I was looking for http://www.mikeviz-a-viz.blogspot.com, have a look.

Keep praying for me, things are about to get busy and we're all a little stressed.

Weston-super-MUD

Oh yes, in a short while I will be taking the short trip down to the seaside to spend the day with our resident band - Chaos Remains. I'm not going anywhere near the sea, no way.

Chaos Remains are playing in the local final of a Battle of the Bands competition. I'm so proud of the leaps and bounds that they have made since September.

A whole day in Weston - get in! It's going to be fun!

I've been looking for a blog by the new director of evangelism at Viz-a-viz, the organisation I did my first year out with, and I am yet to come across it. I'll keep you up to date.

No YA

I am sad, YA has been cancelled tonight, due to a GCSE Drama preformance, which more than half of the gang are involved in.
Still I am off to band practice now...and then I've got the evening off.
Assembly at St Mary Redcliffe in the centre of Bristol tomorrow. Working hard!!

Youth Alpha Weekend away...

You know it!! Seriously, I post about nothing else at the moment!

The weekend away was really good, despite the rain, all the way there, and all the way back, but not on the saturday, when we were out and about terrorising the people of swadlincote and Burton!! We learnt all about the Holy Spirit, thanks to my wonderful sister, who I am sooooo proud of. Its tough to talk to a youth group who you've never met before and get on with them, but she did really well.

Spending a weekend with the Youth Alpha gang has helped everything in the relationship stakes, everyone is closer, and we got through the worst part of the weekend (Sunday mornings are when everyone is tired and bitchy) without any tears (apart from mine).

So we've got a couple of weeks left and then Easter, wherewe're off to Spring Harvest - I survived a weekend, but will I survive 5 days with even more teenagers?

YAW

Short hand for the Youth Alpha Weekend away. Its also starting today, this evening in fact. 5.30pm tonight, I, with Ant and 9 kids will be heading off to Packington Villiage hall to spend a whole weekend in the company of each other.
Not quite sure how to feel just yet, this is the first time I've done a weekend away with St Mikes, and the first time I've been in charge of such a thing.
I have done catering before and also been on a 14-18's weekend away, but nothing like this. I've never even done a Youth Alpha course before now (at least not one that I've paid attention at) so its going to be a learning curve.
I'm off to eat, before we go shopping otherwise Sainsbury's will have a shock!!

Why?

I've spent a good amount of time writing a covering letter for a job. Crazy. I hope its worth it.

Time for tea, I think.

It's Tuesday...

Which means its Youth Alpha, again. It's funny how a routine falls into place so quickly...

I have been excited by the news that Take That are touring again in November and have put the responsiblity on myself to organise the tickets for a date in December in London to see them - something me, my sister and my mum haven't done for over ten years!! Excited...I think so!! I would love to see them in Manchester, but thats a litlle far fetched.

I don't know if you've ever come across Super Size Me? Well, I have and that was disturbing...so imagine my horror when I saw Super Slim Me on the TV last night. It was shocking. A poor (or totally insane) woman subjected herself to only eating 500 calories a day...which is nothing - well a quarter of what women are meant to consume a day. Now I get hungry, quite often, but I can't imagine eating just 500 calories a day (which is about 2 coffees, 2 apples, a chicken breast and some salad). I would not recommend that anyone even thinks about extreme dieting, let alone going towards being a size zero model.

But there are people out there who do such things and promote living on no food what so ever, its stupid.

On the other scale, there is a 8 year old child who is having his future decided by social services today, because he weighs 14 stone.

What has the world come to? I'm going to ponder while I set up Alpha...

You know when...

...someone doesn't want any contact with the outside world when you can hear their music over your own, whilst sat next to them on the tube.

I'm not joking, I'm really serious, the lady I was sat next to had her music so loud in her own ears, that I could hear it over my own music from my mp3 player. Maybe I can just hear really well, but thats unusual. It's not going to be good for her either in the long run, any loud music isn't.

London, other than the above, was really good. I will always enjoy it when I can just spend a day with a friend, in no rush, we went to the Tate, which I love, and the Science Museum, which has changed a lot since I was last there, its a lot more hands on than it used to be and also feels a lot bigger than I remember it. I now want to go to the V&A and the Natural History Museum again. The last time I was there I was about 12 and with my school friends - so didn't really pay attention much. Definitely somenthing I would do on my own too, less likely to worry about who is with me and more likely to spend a lot of time on things I'm interested in.

I'm currently watching Scotland get beaten by Italy, I don't know why this has happened...I think Italy are having a good day!

I've also got a very funny photo to show you - go to my Dad's blog to see my little brother dressed as Luigi from Super Mario Brothers!! I didn't get to see him dress up, but I saw all of the others who were out yesterday evening - the theme was S. For Mike's 18th the theme is M - I will be there, but what can I go as?

P.S. Luton was awesome, getting up at 5.30 was hard, but I enjoyed all of it, I also managed to stay awake all day!! I love see what my sister is up to, her ministry is so important to her, and she's made for it. I love getting involved and helping out, its all practice and fun...

Late nights...late mornings!

People keep asking me why I'm at home. I work with school kids, who don't exist during the holidays (we wish!!)...so I can comfortably travel home and enjoy the company of my friends (who had forgotten that I was coming home) for a whole week, then comfortably travel back to Bristol refreshed and ready to lose sleep over Alpha.

I'm already in holiday mode (note the time being near 1am) and starting to feel all different types of ill, because I am not keeping a sleeping pattern. Wednesday is going to be the hardest day of this week, because I am joining my sister for breakfast in Luton, which means getting up at the unearthly hour of 5am. Joy! Looking forward to discussing youth alpha with her though.

Youth Alpha is rather dominating at the moment. I am going to miss not having dinner and a chat with everyone tomorrow, it is a good day in the week at the moment.

Also on the upside, I've spoken to Rich, who is on a disney cruise ship as a stage techie, and he seems happy, also, in almost the same breath, Steve is good in Tajikistan, thinking big as always!!

To bed, I'm traveling tomorrow and I haven't packed yet!

At home...

I don't know how many times I have posted with that as the title, and I'm not going to find out, but you can dear reader, if you want...
I am now back in good old Billericay, having a quiet night in before I tell everyone that I am in town. I know its like uber sneaky of me, but I need time to get back into life here first. Tomorrow at church is going to be interesting. Looking forward to that one.
Went out last night with Claire and Chris which was brilliant, its nice to sit in the pub and just chat to like minded people. I have promised a big night out to both of them, when I have an evening without an early start the day after... we shall see if that happens.
Thursday evening was fun...we had the Rock Solid Valentines Dance, which was a hit. Though I had totally forgotten what being 11-14 was like, I must say though it brought back some memories!! Strange children, unique even, but a good laugh and you can help but love them!

So home for a week, then back to Brizzle (thanks Kaz) and Youth Alpha!!

Lots of good news!

I'm feeling a lot better about Youth Alpha than I did 12 hours ago. We've got the transport sorted and I've got an idea of how the weekend is going to look, but still pray for me.
I'm off to Globe Cafe...

it's all going horribly wrong...

AARRRRRGGGHHHH!

Using the new blogger and Youth Alpha

Ok so the new blogger isn't that bad, the only thing different is the font and the fact that I can label posts now, though I don't think I can be bothered to label all 392 posts from the last couple of years...let me think about it...no...no I won't that would be a pointless exercise, and horribly time wasting. I have things to do, like not blogging, or hows about I tell you about Alpha?

Well last night was brilliant, I managed to scare four girls into thinking I was going to make them do something ridiculously hard, get 'Dear Lord baby Jesus' into a talk (go on I dare you) and make the end of my talk really hard by handing out teaspoons. Who ever thought that a punch of teenagers would be absolutely besotted with the idea of trying to balance a spoon on the end of their nose? Still they got the point of what, why and how to pray, and also that God doesn't always answer prayers with a clear 'yes'.

Ant said I'd done a lot better, which I agree with, so much so, that I'm going to go home in a bit and have a closer look at the talks that I'm doing after half term. Should be interesting. I think I enjoy using props with this group, giving them something to take away (if possible) is a good idea.

So there we go...I'm off home.

Valentines Day

So far has been the most uneventful day I've had in a while...but then I haven't been at home to check the post!!
I think possibly the best thing thats happened so far was meeting and chatting with Claire (with an 'i'). She's a brilliant girl, and I know she's watching, so hello!
It is also, as I'm told by a mate at UWE, Singleness Awareness Day, so that puts a smile on my face. I am slowly coming round to the idea that being single is better for me!!
More later from my twisted mind....

Youth Showcase Evening

Just before we go to f.h.c.u. I'll mention quickly about the youth showcase evening. It was top! Everyone worked really hard to help it run smoothly. I'm dead impressed with everyone who stood at the front of church, not to metion all of the people who were working in the background.
I may as well explain what it was too, it was an opportunity for the church to see the youth work in the church. To see the different elements of stmikesyouth.

I ache all over this morning, despite feeling really well, if a little dehydrated. I don't quite know why, and I pray that I'm not going to get ill on my week off next week. I have gone though, from having 2 nights out to 4 in the space of 3 hours, last night, so it could well wipe me out. We'll see. Yeay, back to Billericay in a week!

Going home

I'm going to have a couple of hours at home before coming back to work at 7. Student age pastorate this evening, looking forward to it. I have got to get more people on to the forum (which I haven't checked today) to make it all happen. We don't really see each other though, cos everyone is so busy right now. It clashes with the football though, so I've promised Trev I won't check the score or mention it if I do.

Unfortunately, Steve has had to remove his blog, so I'll remove the link. Still you all know he's out in Tajikistan, so I'll have to keep you updated now!! Keep praying for him.

Instead I'll put a link for my facebook account in its place.

I'm going to go home, with a stratch on my hand from losing a fight with the prayer board at 9.30am. Boy am I glad for online forums where I don't have to cope with pins!

Hello again

Just to mention one blog for your interest.

Steve is a very good friend of mine and at the moment he's in Tajikistan. Don't ask me where that it follow the link to his blog here to find out where he's living an what he is doing.

Also pray for him - he's in a strange country, away from family and friends. He does have a real heart for mission and teaching though. I think he's brill.

Stick with it, it won't be updated that often, but when it is I shall let you all know.

In the quiet

Just having a moment of chill from all of the panic the Youth Alpha causes. I don't know why I get to worried about it, because in the end its been alright. Things have happened along the way, but we're alright come show time. This weeks cook has just turned up and is happy working on her own, so I'm going to leave her to it.

I'm going to also use this time to put some photos of Friday's live music online here.

I'm also taking stock of all thats around me, but you don't need to know the details of my inner thoughts...you'll be asleep before the end of the first sentence!

There's a good while before I have to get up again! Have a good evening.

Live Music Night!

Oh my goodness! It was sooo good! Seriously, the quality of music we saw on friday night is hard to find nowadays. These guys are so keen to be at the top of their game - they don't even realise how good they are. And they have all got their feet on the ground - except for when they're jumping around of course. I will post photos once I have them on my laptop.

I am so proud of both bands and George. I've said so rather publically on the st mikes forum. I'm looking forward to the next one.

Worship

Last night was The Mix worship special, which was good but had mixed reactions from the team. Seen as I'm not in a ranting mood, I will just ask one question - Is it right to practise worship? I'm not quite sure what the answer is myself. There are different types of practice i.e. doctors practicing medicine. They alreay know their stuff, but they are in the business of medicine...is it the same with worship? Do we already know how to communicate with God or do we have to actually learn how to do it.
The lady who spoke last night was going along the lines of actually learning how to communicate with God. But I think there's more to it than that. My thoughts on sung worship are the same as my thoughts on the gift of tongues - both I'm a little scared of really, but actually if I just open my mouth and start making noises God will help my along and encourage me. Maybe thats what practicing worship is. Doing it and allowing God to encourage you...After all you don't get something if you don't ask.
I don't know and I know I haven't explained it very well, probably because I haven't sorted it out in my head yet...
Pray for all the people around me, we're all tired!

Stokey G is about to ROCK!

The peace and tranquility of Stoke Gifford is about to be disturbed by the musical stylings of George Ray, Cobweb in the Corner, and Chaos Remains (formerly Pandamonium).
We are calling it the Live Music Night. We are sure that it is going to be the biggest thing the team has done since september and we are sure that we're going to do it again.
Sound checking at the moment is, while, a learning curve. The whole evening will be. From staffing this 'event' to clearing up and how the coffee shop will cope with 100+ people wanting drinks.
I was at Globe earlier and I'm starting to enjoy it.It has always been a challenge, since I started in September, but teaching students english is fun! All they want is a conversation, which I can quite easily do.

I'll leave you with a thought (and the prospect that I won't be able to hear tomoro) 'Shoes are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy'. Thanks Helen, you are a true 'star'!

The meaning of Dumb Ass...

Is me! I've done something totally stupid.

For those of you who know anything about Easter, you'll know that it happens in April. For those for you who know about Spring Harevest, you'll know it happens during the Easter holidays, which are in April.

So what have I done that is so incredibly stupid (and I must say easy to do, and easy to miss) I've only gone and put MARCH on the letter that went out to people 2 weeks ago.

Idiot - am going to apologise to everyone now and feel incredibly small for weeks and weeks until we go away in APRIL.

Though it's some consolation that my boss hadn't even spotted it until it was mentioned to him by a member of the youth group!! (she's a very sensible girl.)

Umm...

I did post while I was in Southampton, I'm sure of it!! Oh well, if it appears you'll all know, if not - I had a brilliant time down there. Adrian Plass is awesome, he can pick at every aspect of church, in a funny way, but still have a serious message. Some of his stories had me crying tears of laughter! Which doesn't happen very often.

Work as ever has been very busy and we're under attack a bit, I think. Everything that wanted to happen yesterday before Youth Alpha did. Someone doesn't like what we're doing. Not all bad stuff, but things to throw us off course, so we're not completely focused on telling the truth of Jesus Christ.

One thing that did happen yesterday was a phone call I had just before 7:30pm. From the vicar of the church where I was going to get married. He was genuinely concerned about me, and said that he would pray for me. That made me cry, just as all of the youth alpha crew were arriving, brilliant!!

Today has been slightly more relaxing. Writing Annual reports, having lunch with Wiz and just generally updating everything. I'm now on Facebook, after Alex decided to add photos of me that are truly hideous!!

I did have a rant, but maybe for another day.

Glasses

Its been 13 months since I had a new pair of glasses and now I am going to have to replace them, seen as the arm broke clean off last night, and there is no chance of even salvaging the parts. I have a hectice lifestyle so I'm going to get some glasses that are bound to last longer than 13 months. Although when you pay £120 for something that you wear all the time, don't you expect it to do its job for a good amount of time?
Generally annoyed this morning. This week is getting worse. Lets hope the weekend is better, despite not being able to see much.

Assembly, lists and justice

Today started with an assembly at St Michaels school, lots of faces, some I recognise, most I don't. I'm not as scared of primary school aged children as Ant is, so I really enjoyed it. Though I am reminded of what one of my friends used to say about primary school assemblies - "Its like looking at a sea of maggots". Now if you have ever stood in front of a group of 4-7 year olds, you'll totally understand that comment, if not, I challenge you to take an assembly! It was about Jesus the healer and involved a lot of imagination. The first one is always harder and poorer than the second one. But it's done and makes me want to go back to telling stories for 3 year olds.

The rest of the day has been spent trying to tick off various things on the list that I wrote myself before I went to sleep last night. It was good to get all of it down, I'm starting to forget things now. But I feel more productive having things to tick off. Funny that.

I'm getting Sunday sorted too. As well as making sure I pack for Saturday and Sunday, as I am seeing Helen and her church. Yeay, just a tad excited!!

(Have just has a fight with IE7 and the pop-up blocker! Looks like I'm going to have to read my blogs carefully cos I can't spell check!)

Beautiful people

St Mike's Youth Social Photos

A collection of photo's since September of Ice Skating, Laura's baptism and, of course, the Banquet!

Have a look...

Myspace

Again, is being ridiculous. I think someone may have done something to it, which means I can't do what I wanted to do today, which was set up a group for the students and tell them all about it on wednesday. I'll try again this afternoon and tomoro, and if it still isn't up and running, I'll use someone elses computer.

Today I have the office to myself, which is great. But it also means that I'm cold, constantly. There is a draft that isn't solved by shutting the door or putting the radiator on. So I'm sat as far away from the window as possible and wondering why I've never spotted it before.

I'm speaking at Youth Alpha this evening, so pray for me. I've never done an Alpha talk and I'm a) not sure how long its going to last and b) whether I'll be any good at it. It involves power point so I'm a little worried about that too!

Here we go...

Handsets, myspace and Globe Cafe

Friday is Globe Cafe and RE:fresh day. Lots of fun, but hard work.

My new handset is playing up slightly (surprised? not me!) so I spend 10 mins on the phone to Orange just to get a text that should magically fix everything!

Mysapce is playing up a little too...so this week I wanted to set up a students@stmikes myspace but haven't! I'll get around to it and tell everyone, so that we don't have to spend loads on texting each other and can have conversations with people who are at uni.

I'm going home to rest up before the joys of this evening...which also means I get to turn Madonna off!!

A very happy un-birthday to me!!

22 years and 6 months today... scary stuff.

I thought I'd better blog cos I got told off for not doing so the other day!

There's not a lot to report really, its raining and really windy out, so I don't want to leave the warmth of the office. Plus I have to wear uncomfortable trainers at the moment because my 'chav' shoes have a hole in them! So I'm happy where I am, but I can't stay here, cos I won't get fed and I'll get bored very quickly, when I run out of things to prep.

I'm at Rock Solid tonight too, which is always a joy. I have to get rid of my headache before then, otherwise I won't be much fun. Although Trev and I did spend the whole lunch time with some of the main players at rock solid. They are good kids, it just takes a while to see it. Its all about relationships with the kids, so the more often we see them, the more likely they will turn up other events. I think I may have eaten too many sweets though.

I received a new handset from Orange after having to speak to them about making sure they tell their shops what goes on at customer services!! So now it takes me 5 mins to write a text!!

I was listening to the radio this morning and heard a song by a guy called Mika. I found his page and listened to the snipits of the album, and although his first song its good, the rest is too Scissor Sisters for me to like it! Still check it out.

I'm done, I'm going home to sleep!

Youth Alpha amongst other things

Youth Alpha session one: outcome good!
This is all I will harp on about for the next 11 weeks or so, get used to it. We put the kids into their small groups yesterday with minimal fuss, and we were fed by Wiz, who does an excellent spag bol! Ant's talk went down really well. We've changed the stream, so now we're mainly on the Active stream and the kids respond a lot better to it, so far. Apparently they were talking about the Holy Spirit last night, which again is a promising start!
Other thing: not so good. Scared a little of what is going on in other people's lives. Pray for Helen, Michelle, Kay, Emma and Mary. (Told you I was doing a lot more talking!)
Mettle A tonight, which I am looking forward to!

Prayer please

I seem to do a lot of talking and not a lot of listening. I guess I've got a lot to pray about at the moment though.
The first week back at work was a little up and down for me really. It was good, one of the best weeks the groups have had since September. Like I've said Rock Solid was good, and RS2 went well yesterday morning. The 11-14's have their moments and the rest of the time they are tuned in and answering left right and center. So it was good, and air of contemplation for once.
Youth Alpha start last week. Definitely a high, I'm going to be teaching in just over a week, so I'm looking forward to that to an extent.
Everything really hit me yesterday evening though. I've been surrounded this week and felt cornered some of the time. I've been thinking a lot about other people, and not very much about myself, which means I let my emotions get on top of me really.
So I'm going to say thank you to those who prayed for me yesterday, who built me up in the right places, I've taken stock of all thats going on, and I'm starting to let my soul sing again, seen as it's been pretty quiet for a while.

My Bible reading notes reminded me of a Bible verse that equates to my life and the life of those around me at the moment

'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11

All God, His way is the only way...looking forward to the future but living for the moment!

Rock Solid

I was speaking at Rick Solid last night, and it went really weel, the whole evening had a positive feel to it, and although there was an awful lot of rubbish floating around at the end of the evening, the kids really are behaving themselves.
At the moment, I'm looking at our Spring Harvest accounts and trying to get hold of our Tresurer! Lots of fun. I've also got to set up RE:fresh and write a shopping list for RS2 on Sunday, all before I leave.
Day off tomoro!! Yeay...

Youth Alpha and moving house

Youth Alpha went very well yesterday, even though we had enough chinese to feed 30 people. Think about what you need and half it! Good advice! The guys and girls are really responsive to every thing, the surroundings, the layout, the teaching and most importantly each other and the leaders.
This morning I moved house. I'm now living with a wonderful woman called Yvonne. I'm looking forward to the next part of this year out. I'm further away from the office, which means I'll be doing more walking.
At lunch I was at PBF which is always a source of joy, although I felt totally under prepared. Theclubwithnoname is tomorrow, so I should do a better job of it second time around.
Just a few bits and pieces to sort out before I go home and unpack!!

Back in Stokey G...

And straight to work. Trev's going on training with YFC, which means the first full week of term is going to be incredibly busy.
Last night I started work as soon as I arrived. We had a RE:fresh and Mettle social, which was a film night. We watched a movie about Nascar racing, a little too male for me, but I am so tempted to use the dinner scene where Will Ferrell is saying grace to baby Jesus to challenge peopole about prayer and who Jesus was! Still they seemed to enjoy the evening, and the tuck shop went down really well.
I'm off to pack some more, because I am moving again! Not quite sure when, but that'll all be sorted by tomorrow morning. I'll be further away from the church which means I'll get more exercise! Yeay!

Templates

The template for my blog is playing up a little today, since I decided to add another blog. I can't see any reason why it would play up but still, we'll see what I can do, when I can be bothered.
Right now, I'm wondering what to do with my day....

Discovering

Another blog. Mary is a top lady who has so much going for her. Check out her blog and Windows space here.

I'm watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang at the moment and will probably fall asleep some time soon. I was woken at 11.30am and told that we were going to help tidy the church after last nights party. Although we were the last people to arrive, it still took two hours to get the church back to normal! It looks good though, nice and clean. The church does need to invest in some kind of super cleaner though. Its such a large space and hoovering takes so long. Any ideas?

RIght I'm going to catch up on some sleep...

New Year

Happy New Year...Lets hope 2007 brings lots more joy than 2006. Already three hours in and I'm managing to be pessimistic, a new record.
I was definitely in the right place tonight, in my home town, with my long standing friends. The people who make Billericay what it is. Of course my parents were there too, which always makes for a laugh, although my Dad seems to be abstaining from dancing, a good thing? Possibly. Apparently I get louder and more overt every year, which kinda shocks me, cos I think I've been this way for a few years now. Maybe I don't see it...

Anyway, I'm tired, so I'm going to post some photos and then I'm going to bed...

The Gang at the beginning of the night



Anything but Rough...



The Organiser



And finally...



Well...a good night had by all. I'm going to remember tonight for a long time, for all the right reasons.

Who is this?

Having a bored day, and with wireless internet access, that equates to me doing strange things - so here we go, which Super hero are you?
Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 75% Spider-Man 70% Wonder Woman 70% Superman 60% Robin 57% The Flash 55% Supergirl 50% Catwoman 50% Iron Man 50% Hulk 45% Batman 20%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...


Umm...maybe I should turn the laptop off - I have no clue who this guy is!

Belonging

I need to learn me some Greek, so I can understand the New Testament a little better. There's one word that is bugging me a bit, I don't know whether I'm looking into it too much, but there we go. Its in my mind for a reason, and now I wish I'd done Biblical languages during my degree.
It's the word 'belong' in 1 Peter. Any ideas? Like the original Greek meaning? Or the New Testament context? Umm...

On another note...there are now Christmas photos online atflickr. All good ones, with a Christmas theme. Seen as the limit for downloading is really big, I'm going to put a lot more on in future.

Not a lot else to say really, life is going along. Getting ready for parties tomorrow, trying to find out what everyone is doing while I'm at church.

Feeling Deflated

I've just found out that my ring is not worth as much as I thought it was, which shows how much I know and also is rather annoying and upsetting. Its worth more to me than what I was offered, so now I really don't want to let go of it, but probably should. I've been given some good advice about selling it and how much I should receive for it, but still its hard to hear a jeweller say that he doesn't feel theres much value in it.
But like my sister said 'they don't buy sentiment', I guess its true, so there we go, I'm going to keep it for a little while long, and hope that someone would like to buy it from me for a little bit of money.

New Toy

I was going to keep a secret, but I'm a girl and I like to share things, so I'm going to tell you that I've got a new laptop!!
Tomorrow is going to be spent transfering some of my work so that I can leave the 'zombie laptop' (Ant's nickname for the beloved machine that has been dying since May!) in Billericay and not have to worry about whether the keyboard is going to work, or how long the battery is going to last. I do have to pay careful attention to what I download and how I treat the tiny thing that is sat on my lap at the moment. Its a Philips X55. I'm so excited, I can pick it up in one hand without breaking my wrist and the blood doesn't get cut off to my feet when I'm sat down with it!
I was told that I'm a girly boy today, just because I got all girly about a new laptop and then stated that I loved technology. Its how I feel though. I can get excited about having a new toy to play with and I do love the fact that computers are getting smaller.
We also went to giant Tesco, to do a bit of shopping. Spending my Christmas money already, but for good reasons!!

Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing day!

We're all 'relaxing' after a busy Christmas, its all over and I'm already looking for things to spend my money on! Is that awful or what?

Christmas, as my sister says, was quite an achievement this year. With a 5 year old and a toddler who is 20 months, dinner was the craziest thing I've done in years. Children just don't sit still any more. Of course, I can't remember being five, but I'm sure in the years after that I was glued to my seat during Christmas dinner, and had to ask if I could get down. It was a good day anyway, it seems to run really smoothly (because I stay out of the kitchen!), the whole family understand what they are allowed to do, and what they aren't.

Boxing Day was the usual. My family extend Christmas for as long as possible, as far as present opening goes, we start on Christmas Eve and finish on Boxing Day. This year we were joined by my Nan - no girlfriends or boyfriends (as we had last year), just Nan, that meant that we strangely behaved ourselves over dinner!!

Christmas does have its ups and downs, we were reminded on Christmas Eve, by our vicar, that there are some people who don't have enough to eat all year round and personally I was reminded that I'm single now and I don't have a wedding to look forward to (or organise) any more. The ups come from getting a whole series of C.S.I. on DVD, getting cards from the people in Bristol and falling asleep during POTC, but still knowing exactly whats gone on when I wake up!

Brand new!

I realised I can't write spanking in a title of a blog, its probably not right!

Anyway, I'm sat in front of a totally new computer and benefiting from the wonders of crystal clear screens and broadband, I'm just waiting for wireless to hit the house so I can sit in the comfort of the living room and blog. At the moment I have a cold hand! (Yes singular, no mistake!)

We've also got a recordable box now, which makes watching TV so much more fun, we only fight over when we're going to watch the recorded stuff now!

I still have to find a new laptop, I'm thinking ultra small and light, to save space in the office and my shoulders when I'm traveling. If I could go home with a new laptop, that would be ideal, but we'll see. The keypad seems to be working fine, since I started to complain. Funny, that!

Being back at home is interesting, we've already spent a morning in Basildon, and I've managed to help mum with wrapping presents, though not much else! My room is still as cold as the outside temperature, which means I'm finding getting up a little difficult. IS there a away to wrap a room, so it keeps all the heat in?

When a day just gets better and better...

Today has been an awesome day! With all that has gone on in my life recently I needed to spend a day smiling, and today has been just that! So thank you to everyone who has blessed me, even if they don't know it.

I've received numerous presents, which I am itching to open, but won't do until Boxing Day (as per family tradition), had lunch with a friend (which included cake!!) and had a conversation with someone who is on a cruise ship off the coast of Cardiff! Very brief, but it was great to hear from him!

Off home tomorrow, as I keep saying, can't wait to be home, but I'm going to miss Bristol and work... I'm sure God will use me while I'm at home. He always does!

Birthday!

Happy (belated) birthday to my boss, who was dreading 30, but looked like he really enjoyed himself yesterday!!

I spent yesterday trying to get over my cold, by working with a lot of 5-10 year olds for the afternoon! Much fun, a little out of my comfort zone, but I managed it, and I've realised that there is still a scary side to me.
I spent a good hour on my hair yesterday, because its so long and I'm getting bored of the 'dead straight' look, its too serious! So here's what I came up with



I think I look good, but I swallowed a can of hair spray to achieve it, and didn't feel too good until I got some fresh air into my lungs!

I'm on my way home, tomorrow morning, my good friend James is picking me up and we're going back to Billericay together, which is better than being sat on a train on my own, and carrying a huge suitcase with me. I do however have to do the return journey on my own, so I'm practicing a little restraint!

Not a lot to say...

But I'm going to blog anyway.

Today I'm feeling a little run down, after all of the joys of the weekend. I was almost sent home, but refused, because I'm basically well enough to work...as long as I get to eat and drink too. And the office needed to be tidy, otherwise none of us could work.

Staff meeting this morning was interesting, lots of different things to consider for the new year, and now I realise how uncomfortable I am praying aloud when I don't have a clue what I'm saying! I have to pray aloud when I'm on my own because my focus drifts horribly, but when there are a load of people I respect in a room, my thoughts and sentences fall to pieces! Got to keep trying though!

Tomorrow my main event in the Youth Alpha leaders team meeting, which I'm slightly spooked about as I've never done Alpha in any form as a leader, so I'm going to be learning and leading at the same time! Hard to strike a balance!

One last thing, in my general 'curl up and die' mood this evening I came across some awful TV. It was about Princess Di's dresses and how apparently they're all cursed. Now I know its been 10 years since she died, but can't we just leave her alone please. Americans crying over someone they've never met is a little odd, and do we talk about Mother Teresa in the same way? I have never seen or heard it. Ok celebrate someone's life, by all means, but believing that dresses are cursed just because they belong to a woman who died in a tragic accident? Too far fetched for me.

Going home on friday, and looking forward to it.

Mettle/RE:fresh Banquet

A whole day on my feet, but I loved every moment of it!! Everyone looked amazing all dressed up. It's great to see the lads put in the effort too. There's not a lot else I can say really. It's my first one, I didn't quite know what to expect, but it was beyond what I'd imagined. I was disappointed that I couldn't eat my roast though!

A huge amount of effort went into the evening. I've never handled so much cutlery in my life! We were talking about getting my brothers in on the act for next year - they both work in the silver service industry and would be ideal for the job! It looked so good at the end and all of the party goers were really thankful for it.

I took a few photos, but none of myself, I'm waiting for the main ones to be put online so I can see what I really looked like. By the end of the night, my feet really hurt, but I wanted to keep going, after all, I have been a student, and I'm used to going until 2am at least, so finished by 12 meant that I still had two hours of energy left!

So I phoned a friend, one who I am not going to see for another 6 months. Someone who I have know for a long time. He's doing the right thing by going away, but those who know him are going to miss everything about him. He's a great person, who can alway put a smile on my face! Well Done, Rich, good luck with everything!

Blogging from a limited keyboard

Not that limited, but its amazing that the letter in the middle of q and e means that my blogging is a little stranger and there are not as many open questions. Beleive me this is harder than it seems. Typing http's is annoying, and my shift key dosen't like making capitals! Going to need a replacement soon. FED UP, GOING TO TURN THE LAPTOP OFF!

Being unique...

As Helen has mentioned - she spent the weekend (well, about 36 hours!) visiting me in Bristol and spending time in Cheltenham with old friends. It was really good to see a lecturer who is now a pastor and a family who I haven't seen in a long time.

Funny thing is the phrase that was used the most was 'nothing changes'. I guess there are certain traits that don't change - like my love of shoes and dresses as well as my obsession with pink, but everything else is constantly moving on. Religion, the people we are friends with, the seasons, thoughts and feeling, faith. All of these things are changing, developing. I'm lucky that I have a constant through all this: God and His faithfulness. I can trust totally that when everything around me is unrecogniseable, God will still provide for me. Its brilliant.

My Bible notes this morning were challenging and so was Ant's sermon yesterday. Have you ever looked at Genesis 1 as an instruction or a commandment? Each 'day' of creation starts with 'Let there be...', so in God's perfect creation, why do we have to change what is already there?

Ant spoke about stepping out in God's image of who you are, being happy with who you are and not asking 'but what about them?'. John 21, where Jesus talks to Peter about becoming the head of the church, was a passage that Ant used. Jesus says to Peter 'Follow me' after telling him not to worry about John. Are we so concerned about others that we miss the point of what Jesus says to us? Jesus calls us by name, and says 'follow me', He's got everyone else sorted, so we don't have to worry about it. Of course we should have fellowship, share and question faith, but we are all just as important to God as each other, given our own gifts. Loved. Equally. With our own paths, and God wants you to step into who He wants us to be.

And this is who I am -



Pink tree. I finally found some decorations, after being stubborn about going into the loft (via a ladder that is not attached to anything!). What do you think? A tad unconventional, but then haven't I always been?

We're all currently looking to the future, which all seems rather exciting, and scary too!

Waiting...

...for the weather to let up so I can walk home without getting too wet.
...for this evening to come so I can have my massage and manicure, then go to Rock Solid.
...for Helen to arrive tomorrow evening so she can chill.
...for my brain to slow down so I can listen to God.

I've spent the day in relative silence (as much as you can have with three people in an office) after being challenged this morning to spend time listening to God and to do it every day...which for me means getting up earlier to do Bible reading notes, not having the TV or the radio on from the moment I step in the door or wake up and (this one is the hardest of all) not thinking while it is silent around me.

All too often I think 'right I'm going to listen to God' and then I spend that time thinking of what I need to be doing or I'm praying, which is talking to God, rather than listening. It's really lazy of me to start jabbering in my head when I'm trying to listen, after all I don't do it when I'm listening to my friends - I'm totally focused on what's coming from their mouth, otherwise I wouldn't be a very good friend.

So now I am going to try my hardest not to talk whilst I'm listening. What are you going to do?

I'm going to post pictures of my Christmas tree at some point, when I've got a few moments. The weather is not going to be clear or sunny again today, and if I don't leave now, I'm never going to get home. It's winter and it's starting to show!

Time to get back to work!

Its funny how a week ago life was slow. Now Christmas is coming up rather fast. Things have picked up quite a lot. We've got various things happening all at once in the office and in church too. We're looking forward to the New Year as well as trying to focus all our energy into the next week and a half.
Trev came back from training more tired than when he went which is a little worrying.
I've spent a majority of the day (and I'm still not finished...why am I blogging?) on Alpha stuff, which is good.
I'm excited about the new term and the possibility of a youth centre, we did a walk round as a team this morning and it has loads of potential! Watch this space...

Thinking it over

There are so many things to think about at the moment. Christmas is approaching fast (and it's all I seem to write about) and therefore the New year isn't that far off. We had a 14-18's meeting this evening which covered so many things. There's an awful lot to think about when there's so much going on in the ministry you're involved in.

Being busy is obviously a blessing in disguise for some. So bear a thought for Ant and Helen who are both struggling in their own ways at the moment.

It's important that a lot of prayer goes into the next month at least (if not forever, but you know what I'm getting at!).

I'm also starting to realise just what it means to be single and what effect it is having on me at the moment.

Pray and pray hard, but be sincere. I know that God feeds the birds, so He will do more for me than I can ever imagine! Ask and it will be given, knock and the door will be open.

Getting into work...

...at 11am. Gotta love it! Although I did get soaked - it started raining as I left the house and stopped just after I got into the office!
I'm leading f.h.c.u. at lunch time and have the minimal amount of prep, which is why I'm working and blogging at the same time.
The radio seems to have taken the Christmas thing too far already. Commercial radio is using 'Santa's world tour' before playing a Christmas song - all of which I am slowly realising are at least 10 years old! No-one has done a Christmas themed song for yonks! I don't think the invention of X factor has helped! And 'Santa's world tour'? Really? Find something different..please. Or just play the songs, they don't need an introduction!
Ok, enough ranting, got to get back to work!!

Its so cold my hands are staring to hurt if I don't put them in my pockets! How brilliant is that? We're finally getting into the proper winter weather. But that does mean that I'm going to get some sort of sickness soon. Oh well. Looking forward to the next few weeks, we've got parties and gatherings that the entire village has been invited to.
Last night was excellent, in fact my day off yesterday went really well. I've almost finished my Christmas shopping and wrapped everything in one afternoon. The icing on the cake was seeing An audience with Take That last night. I was sat in front of the TV with the biggest smile on my face and in awe of what I was seeing. It was just amazing. The boys have aged really well and the music as with them. I want to see them in concert now. They have updated all of their old songs and done some really clever things with them. I wasn't sure that patience was a good song, but it grew on me.
The Mix is going on tonight and its called 'Christmas Unwrapped' which apparently is the regular talk for the Christmas Mix, it also means that today is a month from when I split up with Henry. I'm praying that I hold it together. I'm starting to miss various things about our relationship and am in danger of doing stupid things, so pray for strength.
I'm reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell at the moment. Its a great book. Read it...you'll be amazed at what you find.

RE:fresh

Can someone enlighten me as to the benefits of BetaBlogger (or the other way around?). I have no clue as to a) why it is any different from normal blogger and b) why I keep getting told that I need to change!

Thank you people who have commented. I'm on my way to figuring out the lightbulb situ, just haven't had any good light to do it in, seen as I have been out of the house for a good 11 hours today and I'm going to be out for most of tomoro! Christmas shopping again!

RE:fresh this evening was good, but it seems I need eyes in the back of my head to keep up with what is going on around the coffee shop. I also need to start learning everyone's names, cos I'm totally clueless at the moment...how long have I been doing this for?

Google-ing

I have just done the one thing Rob Bell says he never does - I googled my name - firstly Liz Fisher and then Elizabeth Fisher, and found a lot of interesting websites - none awful, but all of ladies with the same name, doing things I have always wanted to do. How scary is that? I found a family tree website, an art critics website and various University lecturers have the same name. Fortunately I haven't come across anything about me.

But hopefully if I mention my own name enough I might come across myself some day!! How vain am I?

Discipline

Tonight was the first night of Rock Solid rules and discipline. Hats off to Trev, it worked! They were ok, and I'm starting to like some of them. I get to play bad cop, which means laying down the law and making some of the calls. They hate me, but it means that Trev gets to make friends with them.

I'm currently listening to a few of the old tunes on Yahoo! Music. I've come across Christina with pink highlights and Vanessa Carlton! Top stuff!

After plunging myself into darkness earlier and after finding the fuse box I have discovered I have blown a bulb in the kitchen and I have no idea how to sort it out! Its either going to mean I have to find a boy or I cook in darkness for the next few weeks. Its a dodgy lightbulb - one of the flat ones and the actually fitting is falling out of the ceiling. Ummm...some help please?

Youth Alpha, devotionals and mince pies

I'm leading youth alpha in the new year! Argh! It's going to be great though, I know that there are teenagers who are asking all the questions Alpha hopes to shed some light on. I'm slowly learning that not all questions have to have answers (I think its becoming a theme in my life!).
The devotional went really well this morning. I was aware of God's presence and was blessed with a picture (I get them a lot!) that indicated to me that I can not do things on my own!
As for mince pies - I'm afraid Christmas has come too early for some. I'm a regular listener to GWR Bristol and the lads on the morning show have been in a pie eating contest this week! Very funny and I'm dying to know how badly they did!!

101 things

Christmas is coming thick and fast, but there are a few people who are putting it off until the end of the first week proper of Advent. Yes we are just 2 days away from the first day of Advent. Which also means I only have 50 hours (at time of writing) until I can get my hands on the fair trade chocolate that is still on the piano (it's in an Advent calendar, if you're not getting my drift.)
The weather has been funny over the last few days, we've gone from blazing sunshine to torrential rain and back again, since Sunday morning, rather strange, it's the very end of November and I'm still wondering if a coat is absolutely necessary.
This evening was spent with Mettle group C who are a wonderful bunch of hard working teenagers and have questions about faith and Christianity that would envelope the world, if they were all written down. Needless to say my head is swimming, but I want them to keep asking the questions that matter to them and not to stop. I've done that recently and it means I'm not asking God anything, which can be a dangerous place to be in. Questions are what keep things going, if someone answers with a 'no', what, naturally do we do? We find a way for there to be a 'yes', either by nagging (kids at Christmas) or asking different questions.
I feel that there is a lot the group can achieve but finding space for them to meet and discuss all of these questions is going to be a challenge.
Tomorrow I'm leading our team time, which I'm ever so slightly nervous about, because I haven't lead anything for ages, especially devotional times. Not for years. So I'm praying, hard, that God would talk through me and that tomorrow morning flies by!
On other things that I am nervous about, I have booked a therapeutic massage for next week, which I've never done before, and it comes with a free manicure, which I've never had before, so not only am I going to be totally relaxed in the run up to Christmas, I'm also going to have very pretty hands!! So The next ten days are going to be interesting for me.

Sherbert fountains, registers and accents

Some of the things that have cropped up during RE:fresh this evening. The wonderful young people who come along to our coffee shop have so much to talk about, from Harry Potter (new movie in July) to Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean and of course Orlando Bloom, boys, girls, football, accents and sweets. A range of things, in one conversation I had this evening. Recently RE:fresh has had problems, but tonight felt more positive, a lot more relaxed and open, we're slowly getting it right. God is in everything we do and I pray constantly for openings in groups so I can talk to people I would be scared of talking to. Its a confidence booster all round really. I also get to find out who has the most power in a group, who is a leader, and which ones would cause the most trouble if they had the chance to.

We're coming up to a busy time for this group, for many they are facing mock GCSE exams and making hard decisions about where they want to do their AS levels, others are at the very beginning of a long road, that leads to GCSE's. Christmas is going to be interesting and there is not very long left before the schools close their doors for the holidays.

On accents - something of note - I've been told twice today that I don't sound like I come from Essex, I met a Chelmsford boy and I think we were both surprised when we found we were from the same area! Neither of us had a strong Essex accent - much to the amusement of the German who was standing with us, though I didn't realise he was from a totally different country until he said 'who is Lee Evans?'! The young ladies I was speaking to this evening assumed I'd lived in Bristol and gone to school in Bristol, which I don't often come across, its a little strange to get an 'oh, we didn't realise' reaction from a group of girls who I've known since september.

Any way, I must get going, downstairs that is, CSI is on.

Not a lot going on!

Well for me at least, being super organised has its downfalls too.
I spent yesterday with Mary, who was down from Norwich for a few days. We went to the Student meal, which has come on in leaps and bounds since I was last there, we've started doing a Bible study now, which fits better with where we are. We're still hearing from other people in the church along side this though. We had pie for dessert, which was the cheapest thing in the world to do - thank you Sainsburys! Mary left this morning after staying the night. It's been brilliant to see her and my other friend - James, who has a mind very similar to Rob Bell, in capacity!
I'm looking forward to Christmas now, I'm going to be at home with people who are on my wavelength and understand what is going on in my life. I just have to do all of the shopping to go with it! Woop! Is saturday a good day to start?

Enough to keep me ticking over

Which generally means I am thinking so much that I'm not sleeping. I went out yesterday evening to see two very good friend, who I haven't seen since August. We had dinner at Zerodegrees - which is a pub in Bristol that brews its own drinks! It was really good. I had some conversations that I haven't had in ages and I understand more of the world when I talk to these particular people.
My boss has made a good point about life - your desk (if you have one) often reflects your state of mind. He has some good things to say about the conference too - check out his blog here.
I'm currently listening to the new delirious album, its good, but I'm still not sure about their celebrity status in the world, some times it all seems a bit strange. There's a question for you to think about 'What are the thoughts and feelings behind 'Christian celebrities', is it wrong or right? Does the faith need it?'
I got over my thoughts about anniversaries and I'm moving on to think about those who have passed on. My Grandads ashes are being buried tomorrow. And sacrifices - an assembly in Filton!

The weekend and anniversaries

This weekend the whole of the Youth team and Mark traveled to Eastbourne to spend some time in the company of other youthworkers from up and down the country. Yes it's that time of year again, its Youthwork: The Conference. We went for the early day because we are full timers, and lucky to have the time off (umm...). We spent a whole day listening to the teachings of Rob Bell, which was amazing. He's full of information that means he can talk without notes, just a Bible in his hand. He's a revelation really. Very cool and very humble too.

He fried my brain though (in a good way), so the rest of the weekend was tough, but I still enjoyed it! Got a chance to see some youthworkers I haven't seen for ages, the cheltenham bunch in particular! Hello Luke!

I was a tad disappointed with some of the seminars as they didn't answer some of the questions they seemed to be asking. I'm a very practical person, so need to hear other people's ideas of how to solve problems, not hear about different models of church, when we're talking about unchurched and churched groups. And I know I'm not the only one.

So I came away from the weekend refreshed and wanting to ask more questions about faith and life, and Rob Bell (who doesn't google his name!). I also came away a little sad. Yesterday was going to be an anniversary for Henry and I but obviously that didn't happen. I have started to talk about everything now though, and things are becoming a little clearer!

All wrapped up!

Nice and warm in the house by myself, getting a little frustrated at having cable and nothing interesting to watch!!
I finally found a way of getting the parcel that has been sent to me. The bus services around here are pretty good, shame the internet is not that good at telling me where Patchway delivery office is!Any how, I'm on my way to getting it sorted and finding out what is in that package!
I was going to have a huge rant about the Royal Mail, but I'm too tired to tell you that the card they put through my door was entirely wrong about their online redelivery system and that their office hours are utterly stupid! If you're nowhere near the delivery office, you've got little chance of getting there between 7am and 12noon! Really? What do postmen and women do with their afternoons? I know one who completed his degree whilst doing a round, is it that difficult to keep an office open in the afternoon?
Rant over with. I'm going to make stupid noises at the Goldsmiths website - by the way I'm tired!

Feeling Low

I'm in the office on my own and ok I'm not listening to the best music (Nooma soundtrack cd) but I'm still feeling a little low. Can't put my finger on why, but its how I'm feeling. I guess life is a little strange at the moment. I've not got a lot to do and I'm having to get used to a life style change. I'm also not sleeping well because of the stress of everything that has happened, I suppose.

Pray for Helen...

To and fro

Well I'm back in Bristol after a short week at home and soon I will be off to Eastbourne for a couple of days!

I got in late after a train broke down, so I missed seeing the girls at f.h.c.u. but now I'm in the office and I have been told to take it slow! I've been sorting out my photos of my graduation and as always, you can find them by clicking on the pink box in the right hand column or going to flickr.

Not a lot is going on this week other than mentally preparing myself for the weekend and the youthwork conference. Again its another weekend that is going to be emotionally draining, and in a strange place for a few days. I know I want to go and I know I have to prepare myself for it. But being ill and emotionally drained already I do wonder!

Yes I'm all kinds of ill again. I can't escape from the cold weather so my throat and lungs are in protest at the moment. I fear I may have under done my need for sleep while I was at home, and have got a very tickly throat. I am also stressed and the muscles my shoulders are like rocks! I think I may need to be pampered!

Oh well, Christmas is truly on the way and so are all the parties we have to organised and be a part of.

MSN and Support

I logged on this evening to find I was bombarded with people talking to me on MSN, which is brilliant, but annoying at the same time. I can just leave the thing to flash at the bottom ofthe screen which means I can't do anything until I've said goobye to a majority of them. And every time it flashes up in the corner, I have to look at it! Argh!

Not a lot else has gone on today, I have literally done nothing, except cook a lasagne that over flowed! I will get it right one day.

For all of those who are worrying about me, I am told I am coping extremely well with what is going on. The only thing i'm not tolerating at the moment is people leaving doors open,so that I can't feel my fingers when I'm typing - there is no draft when the computer room door is shut!

Its the little things you do

I think the time has come for me to tell you what is going on in my life thats made me so quiet over the last few days. I'm still trying to get my head around it all so forgive me if this all seems a little random.

I'm not with Henry any more. There's a lot that surrounds this statement, a fact, a truth of life that I now have to deal with in the best way I know how. Thankfully my boss and staff team know quite a bit about coping already, so have sent me home for at least a week, so I can recover and 'get myself right'. Its a shock but actually had been coming for a long time. Distance and personalities were among a few reasons, but I don't want to go into detail.

I know that I'm being lead down a different path and there have been a few markers to suggest that the relationship we had was not meant to go into marriage and I'm sure that you can understand they are personal to me. Its fair to say that other people have spotted these too.

So I have taken myself off wedding group mailing lists and have attempted to get deposits back from various companies today. I also had lunch with my nan and spent some money on a very sparkly top for going out on friday night.

We shall see how the rest of this year goes, now that I am single and sticking (as hard as I can) to what God wants for my life. Back to work on tuesday moring - I shall find out how well I'm coping very soon.

Interesting

Its been an interesting weekend, for reasons known to me and a few close friends, and you, dear reader, at some point in the future, but not now. It's not right first thing on a Monday morning and so soon after what has happened.
I got guess the year wrong this morning, which I'm gutted about. Although having looked at all the evidence I'm sure that I'm not the only one who thought they were right!
Yesterday evening was interesting as well, with all that is going on, we were down to do detatch work at the Mix, which means standing outside, looking after those who want a fag or a breather. I'm probably not the best person to do detatch work, striking up a conversation at the best of times is hard, but especially with people I don't know. I'll get used to it I guess, it's part of my job, so I have to, but with everything else that is going on, I'm not the most focused person in the world right now.

Sundays

Are generally spent at church. Today has been no different. I led RS2 which had 11 young people, most of whom I know in some capacity. They are a good group of guys and girls, who take a while to get off the ground, but when they do, its full steam ahead. We were talking about prayer, how we do it, and how we can turn anything into prayer. We also learnt that God wants us to ask, ernestly, for what we want!
So I'm doing a lot of asking at the moment, because I don't know what I want...

Back in Bristol

And back to work, almost immediately! It was all good fun on Friday. Graduation is a joy no matter who is the graduand. I spent a good three hours in my gown and hood, of which there will be photos to follow, just a soon as I get them on to my laptop and downloaded. That's currently in the office - so I have to do it when I have some free time, because I can't get my laptop on to the network at home! Joy.
I saw the housemate I didn't want to see and we successfully avoided each other for the whole day. I got to see all of the housemates I wanted to see though, which made my day. We spent a bit of time with them, reminiscing about what its like to watch someone cut themselves off from a good group of girls. I promise that is the last time I mention the housemate who I dislike!

So graduation happened, almost without fault. I got my name in the programme, I shook hands with the Rt Rev and Rt Hon Lord Carey of Clifton and he spoke to me, asked me if I enjoyed the course - well what could I say, I was hoping to get some more out of him, but you can't really discuss deep theological matters - like women bishops, on stage, in front of a thousand people! The fault? My gown, hood and mortar board were nowhere to be seen when I arrived. We paid for it, but the website was awful - well the day had to go wrong somewhere. That was sorted in a matter of minutes though, so I wasn't too fussed by it! Everything else was fine, lunch, drinks in the su bar and getting back to Bristol in time to cook dinner and be the first to arrive at work.

We had 50 young people at RE:fresh, which is a brilliant number. Its amazing what the cold can do, but some still insisted on sitting outside! Whatever floats your boat. It's becoming a really good place to see the youth and their friends, who we're not in regular contact with. Ant managed to get the names of everyone, which was awesome! Well done!

Tomorrow finds me leading RS2 and going to The Mix. Fun.

Finally - relationships are funny things, friendship is a difficult concept when love is involved. Cryptic? I think!!

Lordi, London and lazy dayz

Oh how I love alliteration! And bad spelling!

I've spent a good few hours just relaxing after my jaunt into the city yesterday, which almost began with Henry and I missing the train. Thankfully, there was a delay of some sort which meant that we found ourselves in London at lunch time with virtually nothing to do. What the best, cheapest thing to do in London on a rainy day? Go to the Tate Modern, so that's what we did. The currently have a huge installation of slides, by Carsten Holler, called Test Site and naturally Henry wanted to go on the tallest one (5 stories of twisting metal - inside the turbine hall! Incredibly high!) but unfortunately tickets were only available for the 3rd storey slide and at 5pm, which was a little on the late side for what we had planned, so we wondered around the third floor for a bit.

Now the Tate Modern is renown for its collection, in the many times I have been there I have seen Tracy Emin's messy bed and Cornelia Parker's exploding shed but for the first time I stood close to Pablo Picasso's Weeping Woman and looked carefully at her face and the composition of the picture. It's incredibly sad and obviously strange on first glance but if you look hard enough, she's wiping away her tears and chewing on the cloth she has in her hand. Don't look too hard or you'll lose the mystery! I also saw a picture by Emil Nolde, called The Sea B, which is incredible when you read what he has to say about it. He really has captured a moment, something that he wanted to do right from the start.

Then Henry got bored, so we wandered up and down Oxford Street for a bit. We ate and then went to Kentish Town, to see Lordi! We queued in the freezing cold for ages and once we got inside we found a spot and stood there for a while. Tursisas were the support act (sounds like an illness, and when said with the right accent Tereasas) and actually really good. Dressed like Norse men (of course, they are Finnish) and with an electric violin and two accordions, where could they go wrong? Well they didn't and I will put some photo's up to show you what they were like! It sounds snooty but all the different elements of the band came together do make a really good sound. If I could play my violin like that I'd earn a lot of money!

Lordi followed after a set change and a long wait. They played for a good hour, and then some. If you don't know who Lordi are, where have you been. They totally trounced Eurovision this year and have been touring since September. They are a good laugh and it being Halloween meant everyone got dressed up. The whole place was in high spirits, not angry or fighting, which some times seems to be the portrayal of this type of music. They had fireworks, fake blood and female dolls!

One thing that struck me while we were singing 'The Devil is a loser and he's my b!*ch' (which is true!) was that actually, these musicians are at the top of their game (although world domination is a theme!) and they are just shouting about their subject matter. Dressing up and using fake blood is all part of an act that is great fun to watch. I would never go the whole hog, but I appreciate those who do!

The other thing was that the crowd are so easily lead when they are in the mood. The drummer (who is amazing) lead the crowd for most of the evening - he seems like a very stroppy character! Kita seems like the smallest member of the band (I don't know if he actually is) but he makes up for it in personality! Mr Lordi is a good leader and loves his fireworks!

So I got home (billericay) at 7.30am this morning and managed to crawl into bed and get back out all before lunch, to talk to my Dad!

In Southampton

Spending a couple of days in Southampton is always a good use of time! I get to shop somewhere different, worship somewhere different, see a good friend and catching up with a youth group who are growing in so many ways. I also get to see how other parishes work and what kind of support Helen is getting.
Seeing Helen and her family is always good fun, we manage to gang up on someone and have a laugh about various things that have happened since the last time I was around! So today we're off to Southampton to window shop, and buy some birthday presents. Then tomorrow we're at church and Holy Smoke.
On monday I travel to Canterbury to see Henry and eventually Lordi!

Orange...

Well almost red with anger actually! Apparently the 291 text messages I was charged for this month was expected. By them, not me. Teach me to look at my plan properly. Also will teach them to make sure they tell people what they are getting and for how long. I wasn't told that 250 texts was an 18 month thing, I would've taken that piece of info in and I don't have my contract, so I can't check that. Surely it also makes sense for them to use the text messages that are stopping half way through the month, before they use the ones that are continuing, then I would've only been charged for 41 instead of 291! It's not justified. Angry, although sweetened by the good will gesture of 250 inclusive texts plus 1000 student text til I cancel my contract with Orange. How I do it?

I wasn't very angry with them today, just have too many other things to do, without spending 20 mins on the phone to a company that I'm not impressed with. The representative wanted to up my phone plan again and add a bundle, which would've cost me £53 a month, instead of the £30 that I'm paying at the moment! I don't think so. I can't wait to get a magic number, but that won't happen til April. I still haven't upgraded my handset either.

Final thought, what is with McFly trying to sound like the Beach Boys and generally being pants?

The Phone bill from somewhere other than Earth!

It's certainly not God sent, that's for sure! Some 22 pages of itemized billing, I have a phone bill that has come to £83! Oh my goodness, I am going to be in touch with Orange shortly (after I have checked that it is right!) and ask them what they can possibly do to drop the cost of my bill, cos I certainly can't pay this much every month. It's just too much. I don't quite know how to react, other than 'that can't possibly be right'. Some how my usage has shot up this month (I don't want to call it a blip) and I've managed to rack up 300 mins and 1291 texts! Insane! In shock still!

Right I'm off to phone my stationers for the wedding, Orange, and the person who is paying me this month so I actually get my money.

Take That, weekend away and Henry

I've justr come across Take that's new video. They are not as clean as they used to be and Gary has taken the lead. Obviously they are minus Robbie, but for him, reforming is a step backwards on the fame ladder really. The boys have done good, but they are clinging onton the fan base that they created over 10 years ago! I was looking for a bit of Girls Aloud, but that didn't happen! Amy Winehouse has just popped on to the screen, reminding me of a certain housemate who would try desperately to copy her! You get one guess!

The weekend away was testing, with just two hours sleep on Satuday morning, the day did not go well. I was just too tired to want to communicate with anyone, let alone have the mick taken because I was falling asleep. I learnt a lot, especially how to meditate, which is always a good thing, though its difficult to keep the concentration going in such a tired state!

All Staints - doing the same as Take that, and get over fighting with Girls Aloud! Yahoo music! Woop Woop!

Sunday was a better day, I spent a lot of time talking to people about life and food. We were all really tired and were beginning to feel it come Sunday lunch, and for some people it showed more than others.

I got some sleep and welcomed Ruth and Henry on Monday morning, to a house that is a tip at the moment, but I have every excuse! Ruth went back to Malvern after trying on a dress that see looked really good in! Henry and I have spent a good few days just chatting and doing 'date' like things, mainly shopping, eating and going to the cinema! I finally know my way around Bristol, where the important things are situated - like the IMAX screen and H&M!! He left this lunch time and I already miss him. Strange what distance does to a couple - for us, it's not so good, cos we're both tired. I wouldn't recommend it.

Bowling and Burger King

Tonight has been a good evening. A little crazy but good! I got to know some more of the kids and they're actually starting to respond to me, though telling some of the girls off is still a chore. Again I feel incredibly sorry for the Burger King staff, who worked their socks off trying to feed 50 of us! They did have some warning, but still I think they need to be slightly more prepared for us! When you say @there are going to be 50 hungry kids in here in less than ten mins' you expect more than just a 'yes we know'!
I'm going to watch csi now and flake out for a bit. I still need to pack for the weekend! Getting up early tomoro, cos it's not anything I can do now.

Ant, you have learnt from the best, but every human makes mistakes! I have rectified both my internet problem and my blog problem, with a little help from my Dad - technical genius! Turning things on and off is a brilliant way to solve a problem!

MSN, Internet connections and lecturers

MSN has been really awful this morning, in fact the whole internet connection thing has been quite bad, I've had to do all sorts of things to make it work. Still...the day is getting better. We don't have to go into school at all today, because Filton is on a half day, due to half term, so I'm going up to Bradley Stoke to pay in a cheque (thank you Karen) and then I'm going to pack for the weekend away.

The on going saga of the changed exam paper is yet to be resolved. I have received the paper back from my lecturer with a huge explanation as to why my mark was only a 38, but not why it has been over written, or how the exam system works. Argh, I am not dropping this!

Good news, my Nan has found my Grandad's will, so we can finally sort that out. Bad news, I have to go bowling with 50 11-14's this afternoon, just because I'm a leader. Shocking, pray for me!

New Blog!

Today has been a day of new things, new clothes, new blogs.

If I could draw your attention to a new blog, by my boss, Ant. It's going to be fun! Enjoy...full of random posts and endless ideas for youth ministry with a difference!

Assembly and blogging

We got hoodies, with www.stmikesyouth.org on them today! They are quite cool, but all of the youth team staff wearing them in school? Umm...I don't know. I think I might change before we leave. Yes we are doing an assembly again, and I don't know if I'm ready for it! Same script though, so it should be a bit better than last time. We'll see.
Helen is most likely out of surgery now, I hope. She went down for her operation at 8.45 this morning. I have been praying all morning for her and I haven't heard anything that says she's in trouble.
Good news is that the youth group might be getting a blog! It could be good, I'll let you know if it happens by posting the link!

The Jam

Not a conserve, but a youth service in north Bristol (almost out of Bristol!), that Mettle @ St Mikes were in charge of last night, and boy, they did a cracking job! I'm really proud of all of them and I hope they're proud of themselves. It's great to see a youth group doing something outside of their own parish. It doesn't happen very often and is a joy to see that they can step out and trust that it will be alright. I'm also very proud of Trev and myself, we did the response after the sermon, which was spot on, according to Ant. It's difficult to stand up in front of people and lead an activity that involves being serious! We did well any way and I can't wait to do another one, but I might be preaching!

This afternoon is going to be spent writing a piece for my 'home' church, because its important that they know what I'm up to, since I wasn't around much of the summer.

Pray for Helen today and tomorrow, she going into hospital to have an op! Slightly scared for her...

In Pain

Ice skating happen yesterday, rather successfully after I had a minor break down, because I was in stupid amounts of pain and had no way of fixing it. The pain killers I am currently taking (only once a month, you figure out why) aren't helping and I don't know why, because they worked last time, and the time before. Perhaps its just a bad month, we shall see. Unfortunately I can't constantly take them to see whats going on. So thats possibly another trip to the doctor within the week to discuss why, but not before I do a bit of digging on the drugs I'm actually taking. Actually Ice Skating is quite painful when you're doing it, but otherwise its ok. I got cramp and bruises on my shins, but enjoyed the whole evening, I also want my own skates now!

Today is my day off, so I'm going to spend some time thinking about tomorrow evenings service and shopping for straighteners. The prayer response thing we came up with isn't going to fit into the sermon so we need to think of something else! And soon!

Party tonight, so thats going to be fun, and it counts as work!!

All hallows Eve

Yes we are preparing for that time of year. Christmas prep can't start until the 31st of October is over. I've spent the afternoon trawling sites for response to this topic, that we can use at the youth service on Sunday... Have I found anything worth while on the internet? No. Actually the bible is more helpful on the matter of temptation and sin than anything I've come across in the last hour and a half!!
Anyone got any ideas (by Friday) of doing something amazing with prayer on the subject of temptation or sin? I need inspiration!!
Thank you Karen for being amazingly helpful today. I've needed something to take my mind off of things.
We did an assembly with the 13/14 year olds today, it was manic but I got a round of applause for my amazing 'impossible' cross and I got my point across as well, but I want to wait a little before I do another one!