Thursday, October 25, 2012


I am sat at my desk - my proper desk, in the church office. I can not tell you how long I have waited to say that. I love it. Having a desk in a well lit room with enough space for all my stuff (which I desperately still need to sort through) is a blessing. I am warm, constantly, more importantly, I am dry.

I am also trying to be pro-active and productive with the time I spend at my desk. I am the sort of person who needs the physical space to match the mental space! Pages and pages of A4/3 to figure out exactly what it is I want to do in the future or with a particular project.

My latest project requires a lot of brain power - I have to show the church what I have done in the last 4 years and what I do day to day. For me, that means at least 4 pieces of paper - plus 5 diaries and several different coloured pens and pencils. It's not the sort of thing I can do on a laptop - but at some point (by Christmas I think) I'm going to have to present it to the church, so it needs to look like more than just a list.

Anyone got any ideas??

Friday, October 19, 2012

A Guilty Harvest

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This morning... this is the fruit of my labour, two bags of clothes that I haven't worn/don't want to wear any more. There are part of my Harvest gift to the Women's refuge. My best friend came up with the idea of going through her clothes and giving up anything that she could for the women who have to leave home with nothing, running from abuse.

So why do I feel guilty?

I have an attachment to clothes, I can remember the first time I wore something special, or the last time I wore it, where I was and who I was with. Some of the clothes in these bags haven't been worn in nearly 3 years, others haven't been worn at all, most were brought because I thought I needed them... clearly having 4 plain black t-shirts is something every girl needs. Upon recognising that I had a lot, I created a few rules for myself.

  • If I had more than one of something, I was only allowed to have one of that thing.
  • If I hadn't worn it in a year, it was going in the bag.
  • If I had a strong emotional attachment to it, I needed to get a grip and let it go, I have photos and memories of nearly every outfit/significant event to help me, I don't need to be holding something physical to remember. (Mind springs back to a few 'first date' outfits!)
So the result was two bags and a whole load of guilt. I feel guilty, sitting in my own flat, with a room full of clothes, that I have so much. I have a lot of gadgets, I have the option of going shopping, I have a chance to buy food, and provide for others. I feel guilty that I don't do this sort of thing regularly enough. Harvest is once a year, and that is the only time I think about it and in the past couple of years, I have been in charge of the Harvest service, so therefore 'too busy' to think about what I was giving (if anything).

I have seen an article about how to 'stock up' your cupboards, how if you just brought one extra thing a week, you'd quickly gather a well equipped ration of food, in case we lapse into a world war or something. Oh dear, that's what I have been doing. When there are people who have nothing.

I also realise that I do my washing because the washing bin is overflowing, not because there are no clothes to wear. I have been three weeks without doing a wash, and only did it because I couldn't stand the mess it was creating. Oh dear. When I say 'I have nothing to wear' I mean I have already worn the clothes I wanted to wear today, not 'There is actually nothing to wear' (which takes me back to staring at a cupboard full of food and saying 'there's nothing to eat'). Today, I have disgusted myself. I hope that God permanently sorts that out!

I am grateful that I have never been in an abusive relationship, I have not been there to experience it.

I don't know what God will do in the next couple of days. I have been praying for a spirit of generosity for the whole church and myself. I have also been praying for feeling better!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

A fruity couple of days!

It's a while since I wrote anything - really sorry about that. I am at the moment sat at home, just relaxing, waiting for the next thing to happen. I feel as though that is all that has happened, and sometimes things have just happened to me, without me even realising. I have really enjoyed the start of term this year, everything seems to be coming into very sharp focus and there are few things that have been left alone.

Schools Ministry seems to be coming into a real time of fruitfulness - the contacts that we made with Mayflower 6th form created an opportunity to present some ideas on faith and morals, which were then spoken about throughout the day by students and staff. We seem to be making an impact on the school, which is incredible.

We attended Open Evening and that meant more conversations and showing parents that the school is linked into the community and church. Which was just incredible, now I think about it! It seemed to come and go in a flash, but I had a chance to see someone I haven't seen this term, which means we can offer lessons and help out with the RS department a little more. I do really love my job at the moment.

Today and yesterday, I have been with some lovely children from South Green Baptist Church. We worked hard all of yesterday, learning about Jesus and praying. We had some really exciting and knowledgeable answers, I hope that in years to come all the head knowledge becomes heart knowledge and spirit lead. Definitely praying for all of them! This morning they are a little quiet but we soon got back into it, finishing off all of the things that we had spoken about, we even had a chance to sing! So the young children have got a lot of little reminders of our time and I hope they have learnt something!

All of this is in the last week. I really can't remember much beyond yesterday morning at the moment!