A Guilty Harvest

 

This morning... this is the fruit of my labour, two bags of clothes that I haven't worn/don't want to wear any more. There are part of my Harvest gift to the Women's refuge. My best friend came up with the idea of going through her clothes and giving up anything that she could for the women who have to leave home with nothing, running from abuse.

So why do I feel guilty?

I have an attachment to clothes, I can remember the first time I wore something special, or the last time I wore it, where I was and who I was with. Some of the clothes in these bags haven't been worn in nearly 3 years, others haven't been worn at all, most were brought because I thought I needed them... clearly having 4 plain black t-shirts is something every girl needs. Upon recognising that I had a lot, I created a few rules for myself.

• If I had more than one of something, I was only allowed to have one of that thing.
• If I hadn't worn it in a year, it was going in the bag.
• If I had a strong emotional attachment to it, I needed to get a grip and let it go, I have photos and memories of nearly every outfit/significant event to help me, I don't need to be holding something physical to remember. (Mind springs back to a few 'first date' outfits!)

So the result was two bags and a whole load of guilt. I feel guilty, sitting in my own flat, with a room full of clothes, that I have so much. I have a lot of gadgets, I have the option of going shopping, I have a chance to buy food, and provide for others. I feel guilty that I don't do this sort of thing regularly enough. Harvest is once a year, and that is the only time I think about it and in the past couple of years, I have been in charge of the Harvest service, so therefore 'too busy' to think about what I was giving (if anything).

I have seen an article about how to 'stock up' your cupboards, how if you just brought one extra thing a week, you'd quickly gather a well equipped ration of food, in case we lapse into a world war or something. Oh dear, that's what I have been doing. When there are people who have nothing.

I also realise that I do my washing because the washing bin is overflowing, not because there are no clothes to wear. I have been three weeks without doing a wash, and only did it because I couldn't stand the mess it was creating. Oh dear. When I say 'I have nothing to wear' I mean I have already worn the clothes I wanted to wear today, not 'There is actually nothing to wear' (which takes me back to staring at a cupboard full of food and saying 'there's nothing to eat'). Today, I have disgusted myself. I hope that God permanently sorts that out!

I am grateful that I have never been in an abusive relationship, I have not been there to experience it.

I don't know what God will do in the next couple of days. I have been praying for a spirit of generosity for the whole church and myself. I have also been praying for feeling better!