Sunday, October 31, 2004

Reality Check

I don't want to live on my own, ever.

That is a statement that I will hold to, I've had what most people would class as a rollercoaster weekend and all I need is a face I know to smile and ask me how my weekend was. What do I find? An empty house which will no doubt be a house full of cold, semi-drunk girls when the pubs kick out. I'm not going to asume this, I know it.

I found out that my Grandad has cancer, we're not sure which type, or where it is in his body, but he has cancer. Its affecting his voice so it could be lungs or throat. I don't know, all I know I that no-one is here to comfort me and tell me that, even though they don't know my grandad, it will be alright. And I don't have that. It makes me feel so low that I can't put it into words.

I've been out since 2pm, its just turned 11.30pm and I have a 9.15am lecture that I have to be at. Maybe I'm emotionally drained, maybe I'm too tired, I know I never want to live on my own.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Disney is not how life works

I went to see Princess Diaries 2 this evening and all it did was remind me how much my life stinks at the moment love wise. I also got a text telling me my ex-boyfriend was in town, not good after such a wonderful day where all my lectures made sense and I discovered that 'no-one expects to be under house arrest' (read Romans and then Phillipians!). Let me explain, a friend of mine has had all her doors for all her gap year projects closed by the Big Man Upstairs (better known as God) and another friend's car broke down this evening so she can't go home for the weekend and because she has dodgy knees she can't walk anywhere. Under house arrest?? Definately!!
Anyway, this all reminded me that God has Disney style plans for us but we get to work on both sides of the camera, it can be rosey some of the time but we have to stick with him through every crap thing too, otherwise we don't get our moment to walk down the stairs for our coronation (in heaven).
Oo I can be quite profound some times! (Sorry its early!!)

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Tired, very tired

I've spent the day in Birmingham NEC, walking around looking for resources for all my youth work. I never find anything worth while and today was no different. I was preoccupied with thoughts of Dan and how I really should get on with all the work that is sitting on my desk beside me. I've got essays to sart and all I've done is written the titles!
I'm very tired now and all I want to do is sit in front of the TV!! Off I go!

Stupid o'clock

Check the time, I'm meant to be up in less than 6 hours! I'm going to birmingham tomorrow but at the moment I'm having an MSN chat with all of my housemates and some random bloke (well Lisa's Ex Boyfriend). I was speakig to Dan earlier. The moment I logged on he said Hey! and it went from there. We chatted for about an hour and then it got serious again, he can never just leave it. He finished on "I miss the way u make me feel, the way u look at me and make me feel like I'm somebody." Which, to be fair, is nice but I wasn't quick enough to reply so I couldn't say anything back and I don't know whether to email him to tell him how bad that was of him. I might do it! I'm off to bed!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Day 2

A small update on my house situation, everyone is talking to each other - it doesn't mean they like each other, but its an improvement on Sunday night! Everything is back to normal! Hazzar!
The whole Dan thing kept me up last night, I'm not one for staying awake too late on a monday night but this was unusual, I woke up feeling the same, like it had only just happened! All smiles for me today, well I have CU committee this afternoon and then dinner with a few friends, when all I want to do is 'see' Dan. Focus!

Three in one day! Oops

Ok I'm a little weirded out at the moment. Dan, who is the nicest guy I know, and I have been chatting on MSN. I've known him for about three years and fancied him for a little short of that. Recently somethng happened between us and thats all I'm going to say, if you want to know more you can post a question!! Anyway he has a web cam and I could see him live but couldn't hear him and could only write to him through MSN, if I had a web cam it would have freaked me out even more! I haven't seen him for a month and that was the weirdest way I could've seen him. Hence weirded out! I was giggling the whole time! I would've collapsed in laughter if I wasn't sitting down. You'll never know how gorgeous someone is until they stare at 'you' though a web cam!
I'm off to bed!

Things to do

Two posts in one day is a bad start. I've decided, on my walk to the train station to up date my young persons rail card (don't travel anywhere with out one!), that there are certian things I need to do by the end of this term.
Number 1 - Find a driving school
Number 2 - Improve my typing (i know its not that bad but you don't get to see how many mistakes I correct)
Number 3 - Get all my work in on time
Last but not least
Number 4 - Get my housemates to like each other (a long process that will last till summer!)

Monday, October 25, 2004

A new way to vent my anger!

Hi, everyone, welcome to my blog. What a weird word. Random almost, like the word my sister uses to describe her day sometimes, its Blergh, truely from the heart!
Anyway, this is a new way to write down what I'm thiking and get RSI from using a laptop keyboard whenever I'm typing. You'll get to read about everything from boys and football to shos and clubbing. I promise I won't get too angry, as my catchphrase at the moment seems to be 'positive thinking' but its hard when your favourite team lost yesterday to a team who can't play (Arsenal v Man U - Arsenal should've won) and my housemates are playing the silent game, which I'm stuck in the middle of!
A little about me, I'm originally from Essex, now living in Cheltenham (during term time) , doing a degree in Theology and Sociology. I'm going home this coming weekend so I can recouperate and see my friends. Hazzar! I've got a wonderful family and it's my twin sisters fault if I get hooked to this blog thing and don't do anything.
God Bless