Why I am getting married...

I'm sat on a bike in the gym*, pondering why I am getting married in a months time. I was also listening to John Ledgend's song about love. The bridge is this 

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts

Risking it all, though it's hard

Why am I getting married? The other reasons John Legend gives are perfectly viable for me. Love is for me not about risk any more though. I am certain that I want to go through the hard things with my husband to be, life isn't that easy any way! I really don't feel as though I am risking anything by saying 'I do'. I don't know how I am going to feel with the church looking at me, I hope that I will be standing on my feet able to say 'share life with me, in the fullness of Christ'.

I can understand where the risk factor comes from, a fear of losing your 'other half' the part that makes life better (not sure about 'being complete'), the fear that you give all of yourself only for it to be handed back to you in pieces at the end of the relationship. 

So why don't I think marriage is risky? I think it's because we chat... We have a discussion, not just about the flowers at church but about life after the wedding. It's not risky for me if I know how each of us will react in a situation or how many children we'll have etc... The list is endless, and we haven't exhausted it, and I hope we never will really. I am getting married because I would really like someone else's opinion every day, on decisions that have a major effect on my life. My husband to be does the things that I struggle with and I think I have a similar effect on him.

I think the world views it very differently though and we have created a bit of that fear, that risk factor, by dishonesty and pushing people to marry when it's not right. Jump in with two feet, pay huge amounts of money and risk it all for the love of your life, not necessarily caring about the consequences. I have been there... Thankfully I realised what was happening and stepped away. Had I have gone through with it, young and naive, I perhaps would be writing in very different circumstances. (Read my 2005/6 stuff)

Everyone has their own opinion and I am getting married for my own reasons... Sometimes I don't feel ready... Others I am wishing days away, wanting to jump the gun. On most occasions I know that it is not a risk, but a defining chapter, the beginning of the end, because this is the rest of my life...

*half was written at home, my thoughts are too long to fit into a 20min cycle!