Top marks

Today I have said good bye to my sister, so that she can start her new job as a fully paid, full time youth worker in Luton. I've also received my dissertation back for the uni, with two marks - 62 and 57, so my diss was actually quite good, by my standards. Reading the comments I can see the 'must try harder' areas, where I lost marks. I also got my exam papers back with a little bit of disappointment and a clear indication that at least one member of staff hates me (despite the fact that exam papers are anonymous). He changed my mark, so I ended up with a 47 - rather than something a lot higher for that particular module.
I've also got an application form to fill out for my job in September - thus is the way of church youth work - incredibly backwards, but knowledgable that God is in every step no matter what order it's done in! So that looks rather scary, but I'm told not to be afraid of it, just make sure it finds it's way back to Bristol before I go to Scout Camp at the end of next week.
Finally, I found myself buying the TES for the second time in two weeks, knowing full well that I would see a picture and an article about summer school on one of the pages. It was smaller than I'd hoped, but still something to be majorly proud of. If you didn't buy it, I'm afraid you won't be able to see the article - sorry. The students who were quoted did a good job of promoting the idea of summer school, and hopefully the work will be there for those who need it. I would love to be AimHigher officer, but I'm in Bristol, doing my bit for the kingdom.
This is the last thing, I promise. I need your prayer, I don't have anywhere to live as of january 2007, and it's vital that I do, if I want to carry on with working and developing my skills. I can't live with my boss and his wife so pray that we can find someone over the next few months who's willing to cope with me in panic mode when it comes to wedding prep and able to give me space when I need it! Lastly, Helen needs huge amounts of prayer as Soul Survivor is not going well for her. There have been numerous ill people already, not to mention the amount of pain that poor woman must be feeling (and I'm talking about Ali!! Joke, Helen!). Seriously, an army of prayer is needed for her to get through the next few days! Monday must seem like a life time away!

Bridesmaids

Not the people this time, but actual dresses. I'm spending most of today with Karen looking at possible dresses for all bridesmaids (not including flower girls). We've had lots of success with the dress shop in town. They actually stock every dress in every size, which is really helpful to see what a dress might look like in a bigger size! We're off to chelmsford to try on some more from other designers.
Yeay.

Then its dinner at Nan's and an evening out with the Williams'.Great. I'll blog tomorrow!

Summe school 2006

My photo's from summer school can now be found on my flickr account. YOu can find it either by typing in colourfultshirts or summerschool2006 in to the start page, which can be found here. Have a look, and tell me what a pretty bunch we are!!

Just a quickie

We're going to move some things for Soul Survivor soon, so I am just going to say that holiday club is officially over. It ended this morning with a final redition of Rainbow - which is an excellent song for the kids. Look up Hillsong if you're interested in kids ministry. Helen's done a brilliant job, despite the amount of pain she's in. Andy is also brilliant at what he does, again, even with everything that has gone on outside of holiday club. The fun day was just that, fun. Harmless and really wet. A chance to just be with the kids and parents, teaching them what the church is like outside of teaching and worship. Alpha have jumped on the holiday club wagon and done very well at getting leaflets to every parent or carer.
As I said at the beginning, we're moving things for Soul Survivour, which starts on Wednesday, and then going to a prayer and praise service to be refreshed, because I know that I've been giving out a lot over the last two week, so it would be wonderful to do some receiving.
Going home tomorrow, so I shall be seeing everyone in Billericay for a bit, before beginning to prepare for scout camp!

Day 5

Final day of holiday club. I've been given flowers and chocolates to say thank you, from two boys in my group who were absolute angels all week. The BBQ is tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to that, knowing that I'll get a chance to talk to some of the parents and discuss the week in lots of detail with them. Having 18 boys and girls as been a great challenge and I know I keep going on about it.
I have learnt a lot about myself this week, I now know that teenagers are probably the best age to work with. I can get on with pretty much anyone and I dislike negative atmospheres and people who slink off unnoticed when they've got a job to do, also not everyone is cut out for young people's work. There are loads of people in Helen's church who are extremely talented when it comes to drama, getting involved and leading (Helen being one of them).
So this week has been overly positive, all of the kids wanted to stay and no-one could pick out their favourite part. Here comes a harder part, knowing that the evangelism on the parents has to begin, and the staff and congregation have to hit the ground running.

Day 3

Helen's long gone, and I'm heading for a break down. I'm looking after 14 boys and 6 girls, nearly on my own. I've shouted at them today, for running, for playing up and for being generally the messiest group in the history of holiday club!! I have discovered that my patience stops when I'm working with 8 and 9 year olds. Anyone under the age of five and over the age of 11, fine, easy(er), but those who just fall short of secondary school age are probably the hardest to get on with, because I can't remember what it's like to be that young and how mature (and immature) some of them can be. It's incredibly challenging and not particularly rewarding at the moment, but I'm sure when sunday comes round, I'll feel a lot happier about the whole thing.
So we've only got one full day left, and a weekend of activities, then I get to sleep and travel home.

Jungle Jazz - Day 1

For the next six days Helen's blog and mine are going to be pretty similar. Jungle Jazz began today (for the children) and boy was it hard work. Getting to know 22 7 and 8 year olds, and calling them all by name is difficult, when tiredness kicks in - even when they have name badges and are relatively well behaved. I've being pulling boys into line all day, and consoling girls who stick their hands in maggots! (Did you know they chrunch under foot? Yuck!)

So anyway, its been a good day, but as with summer school, there are people doing too much and not doing enough.

I ended up working my socks off at summer school, but at the same time I enjoyed the challenge and the amount of trouble shooting I had to do, because 15 year olds don't eat and not everyone is up for the academic stuff that is part of a residential. I got mentioned in two presentations and there were lots of tears - from the staff and students. I was stil crying on Saturday!

Tomorrow is another day!

Southampton

and Jungle Jazz. St Andrews is looking really good, very jungle like, and the good news is I've already been pulled up in front of the whole team to do the actions to 'Who's the king of the Jungle?'. I think Andy wanted to deter me from making any trouble later on in the week, but I love kids work so much that getting up on stage is slowly becoming second nature.
Now Blind Date last week was hard, because 15 year olds are harder to please, but a whole team of volunteers is a walk in the park.
I'm slowly realising that kids and youth work is probably more my forte, I'm actually really gifted when it comes to working with anyone younger than me. I hate to gloat, but I'm so tired I can't stop myself! I'm having a really good, but really challenging couple of weeks. I'm going to learn a lot of things in the next week, its a totally different environment and a new team, plus we have guardian angels, so I'm hoping for some encouraging words throughout the week.

Nice and awake

After sleeping for most of yesterday, I am back to my usual self, still thinking about how well summer school went and all of the problems we had during the week with kids and members of staff. I'm going to post some photos and some more thoughts as I process everything and hear some evaluations from others.
I'm off to Southampton, rather early tomoro, to see Helen and do another week where I'm going to be tres busy, but love evey minute! Again!
I'll blog in more detail when I get home in a weeks time.

I'm at work!

I'm just going to let you all know that I achieved a lower second class degree, with an average grade of 56.5, which is a desmond, or a C - depending on how old you are. It's a 2:2 for those who hate me being cryptic!
I'm at work, so I have to go, but I will blog in full at the weekend!

MP3 players

There is always one more thing with me. This week it has been my beautiful MP3 player that wouldn't work. Dad spent ages trying to discover what was wrong on Tuesday evening, he got it to work, kind of and put Queen on to it (thanks). I had a little more trouble on Wednesday. The instruction manual says it plays .wma and .mp3 files, but all of my .wma's are data protected, so it wouldn't allow the files to transfer. I spent 5 hours ripping cd's to .mp3 and deleting all of the old stuff, that didn't work any more.
Simply put, I would be so annoyed if I didn't have technical support and the moral - don't follow the instruction booklet, don't rip cd's to .wma's, always use .mp3, and don't use media player cos it will protect your files!

365 days to go!

This blog officially becomes a wedding progress blog today, so from here on you will be hearing about all the things I've been keeping to myself. Plans and worries for the big day, which is 52 weeks away, as well as teasers for what the big day is going to look like!
On other things, I go to Malvern tomoro to see Henry and then to Cheltenham to discover how well my degree has treated me and participate in summer school! I don't know how long it'll be before I blog again. Summer school and holiday club will be incredibly tiring so you may not hear much between now and August 7th!
Hi Di! Nice to hear from you briefly, let me know how things are, if you have any planning tips get in touch!
Nothing else is going on. My best friends are off to Africa shortly, so I'm hoping to go for a drink this evening...a late one though.

Burfday and partying!

Hello everyone! It's a short time until I'm officially 22. I was born on 18 July 1984 at 18:24, four minutes after my sister, who is in Cardiff, probably blogging just as I am.

My birthday has always been a busy day, as most of the events in the family seem to revolve around 18th July. My Grandma (on my Dad's side) passed away on the same day of my birth and my Nan (Mum's side) got married 31 years before I was born, so its always been a day of mixed emotions for all who are involved. This year is a little sadder because of the loss of Grandad, earlier on in the year. But life goes on, and this birthday started earlier than most! I got woken up at 6.20 this morning by my dad and Mum to open presents and cards. I couldn't go back to sleep because of the unfortunate amount of drink I'd had last night, so I played with my new MP3 player (which isn't working since I installed the CD that came with it - I am cursed) and phoned my sister. I've had loads of texts from everyone, and my CD collection has grown, and now boasts the sounds of The Zutons, The Kooks and Keane. Wonderful! I'm finally getting things I want!

I've had my hair cut, well sheared. The lady was a trainee, who is going into cutting so she can earn more money. She kept walking away to get her supervisor, who looked like she'd been sucking a lemon, rather than chewing gum. She was chatting about Chantelle (of Celeb BB fame) all the time! It looks rather attractive, if I do say so myself, lighter at the bottom, worth it, because it was free!!

Lunch was taken at Hanningfield reservoir, with nan, Mum, mike and paul (mikes friend), it's a nice little resturaunt, but service was slow, so Nan got annoyed! Since getting home I've tried to work out what is wrong with the MP3 player - with little luck. I hope Technical Support is on his way home (otherwise known as Dad). I'm going to the Boar tonight to drink fruit jucies and rehydrate myself. I think I need it after two nights of drinking.

I was going to post some photos of the party that Dad mentioned but I can't transfer files, so you'll have to look at my flickr account a bit later on! The other thing you can look at while your here is my Dissertation is on the web, ready for you to read!!

At the moment Mike has my camera, my expensive digital one! He's at his prom looking good, in a light blue waist coat and a carvat. He's going to boil though, I feel sorry for the lads, but the girls must be loving wearing a dress today! I trust him to take some good photos and not to break the thing!

Birthday drinks here I come!!

The stupidity of it all

The world has gone craazy! I wandered into M and S today in Basildon looking for nothing in particular when I found this -

Guess what they were actually talking about? Expensive flip-flops. Please M and S do something about being snooty and calling flip-flops 'toe post' shoes! Really, it's not cool or clever, it just alienates people.

On another moment of absolute craaziness, McFly have covered 'Don't stop me now', which is obviously originally by Queen. It's a very special song as well as being truly awesome, so I can only assume that these babies had nothing better to do with their time other than create songs about Lindsay and practice other peoples material. So in a moment of absolute brilliance we are going to see Pirates of the Caribbean instead of watching sport relief (because I will only watch Children In Need - what are we American?). Huzzah!! I've already seen in once, but am more than happy to see it again!

The old lady inside me has finished moaning - it's back to normal until the next time I come across some stupidity, probably the price of pop corn tonight!

A day of fun!

Today has been a good day. I miss Henry loads but I spent a good four hours with my Nan, shopping for summer dresses and looking for bridesmaids dresses. It was loads of fun, we had a laugh. She tried on more clothes than I did, and she's a new look convert, scary stuff. I'm shopping in M & S now (even though its all low-fat!). I am really becoming my mother. It's so true, I've even started to interrupt Dad!

I've been singing a song all day and I thought I'd share my thoughts with you (it wouldn't be my blog without them!)

Caught in the half-light, I'm caught alone
Waking up to the sunrise and the radio
Feels like I'm tied up, what's holding me?
Just praying today will be the day I go free

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Made in Your likeness, made with Your hands
Made to discover who You are and who I am
All I've forgotten help me to find
All that You've promised let it be in my life

It's a Chris Tomlin song called 'The Way I was Made' from the Arriving album. It's actually close to how I'm feeling at the moment. I have a will to break free - after three years at Uni, I know that I want to live with God in my life showing me the way and discovering more of Him, breaking free of my old ways. Singing like nobody's listening - the biggest challenge! This next year is going to be an interesting one - not only because of the wedding, but also because I'm in a totally new place and my way of being will change!

Stepping into the void...do you dare follow?

Traveling and general musings!

Ok so I have been traveling again today, and have found that I am becoming more and more stressed by the experience, no matter what my circumstances and in despite of the fact that I can probably do it with my eyes shut. My night's sleep hadn't been too good, but still I felt rested, and happy to travel. I got on the train and sat down in the busiest carriage I've seen for ages. That was ok, I managed to while away 2 hours, reading, writing and listening to the radio (I've asked for an MP3 player for my birthday, so I get just music!). I watched the country turn in to city always finding new things to look at. We were joined by young children on a day trip for a stop or so, I don't remember them getting off, I had my nose in my book!

I got off the train in search of some lunch and a few bits and pieces, as unlike any other journey, I could take my time getting home. I found what I needed and happily got on the tube, baked a bit and soon found myself in a packed Liverpool street station, looking for a train to take me home.

I got on the train and opened my lunch - low-fat probiotic natural yoghurt with raisin granola. I soon found out that natural yoghurt should not be eaten alone and was annoyed that all M & S do is low fat - sometimes you need extra sugar and fat just to make something taste good. Oh and please M & S, realise that when you bring out a new flavour of crisps (in this case parsnip and honey) try to fill at least half the bag? Please?

Anyway, I got over that and finished listening to Colin and Edith on Radio 1 - which always makes me laugh, I have to stop myself from pulling faces when I listen. And moved on to something a little more serious - more reading. I'm at a crucial point in the time travelers wife, so I couldn't put my book down.

I finally found my mum and nan. Got home to find we had to walk up the road because the removal van for the house opposite blocking the street!! Nice bit of exercise to end the travel!

I'm being chucked off! Good Night xxx

At Helen's

I've been at Helen's since thursday, having a great time!! Very tired now though, having done so much. Thursday evening was youth church, friday was dress shopping, drop-in and pathfinder camp. Now Helen in a dress is a special thing - she looked brilliant! Can't wait to find the right dress and see all of my bridesmaids in dresses! Pathfinder camp was different from anything I've ever experienced, even compared to scout camp. Proper toilets, but on the go all of the time, which is tiring. Saturday was back to normal, we went to a school fete, and had cream tea at the church. The evening was spent with Helen's family and watching Dr Who.

Now Dr Who was good, although daleks and cybermen having a long conversation? Doesn't happen! The story was good, but Rose didn't actually die, so we're going to see her again. Ummm...can't make up my mind.

Today has been church and speaking to people about who I am in relation to Helen and what I have done with my time since sidholm. I've also helped with Holy Smoke, finding out what they've been up to and what they think of being part of God's kingdom.

Tomorrow is helping create a display for the Jungle Jazz holiday club and travelling to Malvern to see Henry! Yeay! My time in Southampton has been great!!

Music

Something I forgot to add - The Kooks - brilliant! It's something about the way Luke Pritchard sings. It's jolly music, the kind I could bounce around a room to, and not worry about who is watching! Luke has a great voice and his accent is brilliant, it makes me laugh, because it's unusual. I'm a great one for imitating singers and spotting differences. Christina and Britney are totally different (you could argue that the former is a real singer, but when britney was at her height, blah, you get me?). Listen for it. Also if you listen to Dan Gillespie Sells, from The Feeling, he's quite well-spoken, which is unusual, it's nice to hear a 't' now and then!

Any way..packing. I'm doing a lot of traveling again over the next week, so I shall let you know what I see and think about. After all I have 11 hours all alone!

Job interview among other things

So Monday was a bit different than I expected. The interview was something I never expected. I had to do a data entry, a word and an excel programme test. Now I thought I was quite competent in these things until my test results were read out. I don't think I got about 70% in anything. Which when you're doing basic on excel is not good. Though if there's a way to use the mouse to do something, I'm not going to know the keyboard command for it, am I? So getting roughly 60% seems to be my life story. Degree results in less than 20 days - I am so scared. The interview its self went well, though I probably won't get a job with them, so keep praying for me and money!

Today has been a tad more exciting! I've been measured for my wedding dress! So slowly but surely I will have come back to billericay to get fitted for it! You do not know how excited I am! It's going to get made in kaliko first and then we're going to shop for materials! Tee Hee!!

Tomorrow I am travelling to Southampton, to see a very good friend and do even more wedding stuff and find out all about the events of recent months first hand! All good, but at the same time....

I have to go and pack!

The weekend

The big family news this weekend is that Karen has graduated from her job and she did it rather successfully, but its her job to tell you how well she did!



Here's a cheery photo of the group that she's worked with for the entire year. They're a great bunch of people who I probably won't see again, unless I bump into them at a conference or a networking bash for youthworkers somewhere, and even then I probably won't remember their names, as I've already forgotten them. Still Karen is in there somewhere!



Church was great on Sunday, as always at Glenwood. Uplifting an prayerful. I watched the music group pray together before the service, and discovered that prayer is worship too. I would've loved to join them because they pray with their hearts, by the looks of things! Most music groups quickly bow their heads and one person says something but this group were reciting scripture and laying hands. It was great to watch, it would be great if all groups were like that!

So I've done an absurd amount of traveling this weekend. Some 4 hours to Henry's on friday, 2 hours to Cardiff on Saturday and 5 hours back to Essex yesterday. I've looked at an awful lot of British countryside and been through places on the way home that I never thought I would. For a start the Cardiff to London train does not go through Bristol, as I assumed it would. Silly me. We do go around Bristol, but I am yet to find out which side! Then we went through Bath, (an old city that I would love to spend more time in, although I refuse to drink the water!) and came out surrounded by hills. The next thing we saw where the horses, two of them, made of chalk.

I can't remember why they exist, but there are lots of them in the area that we went through. I saw tepees and went through Newbury (horse racing). I also saw a canal boat in a lock, going down. Some really pretty churches and a striking contrast between town and country.

We finally reached the city and were stuffed into the tube. I got home, very hot and tired, but I made it!

I discovered on my long journeys that you can have too much of a good thing. My good thing at the moment is The Time Traveler's Wife. Its a wonderful love story of a couple who meet when she is 6 and he is 36, but they only start going but when she is 20 and he is 28. Confused? I was, but its a great story, so I'm reading it again. I had a bit too much of it on the way home from Cardiff, so I was bored for a bit, but there we go, I had a fiancee to keep me happy!

So today is merrily going along. I have an application form to fill out and a job interview! Hazzah, I'll let you know how it goes!

Looking for a job

Things are going slowly in the temping business. So I've signed up to an agency in Chelmsford and phoned a dog walking service today. I am so desperate - anyone got any ideas?

I'm beginning to miss uni now. I'm also struggling with having nothing to do! la la laa

Karen I can't wait to see you. I miss you!

Pray for Helen, things are getting harder.

New Vicar

Christ Church has welcomed its new vicar! We had the ceremony last night, and ate lots of cake afterwards! I had a chat to some of the people that I haven't seen in a while (hello Howard!) and got to find out what the church has been up to since Paul left. My Dad lead the procession, and I was stood on the end of a row, a million things flashed through my mind when the procession started! I didn't do anything other than pull lots of faces at the end of the service to try and put him off!
It went very well, although I expected more people at the service, I can definitely see that numbers have fallen over the years. It was good though. There are a few things I would change, but thats from knowing different churches and being pinickity!

I've spent a lot of time catching up over the last few days. It's great to have honest conversations with people that you've not spoken to for ages.

Off to cardiff on saturday, but before that it's malvern for a bit!

Back at home (briefly)

So I'm back in Essex, if only for a short period. I've already been to the pub and caught up with many old friends. So I'm going to spend today looking for a job and buying train tickets to various places. I have a few people to email and then I'm going to put all of my things in the loft. It's back to the pub after that! Yeay!!

Interview!

This is a photo of the newish coffee shop that I will be spending most of my time in from next September, in fact I spent most of my day in there, yesterday. It's a great facility and looks wonderful on the inside!



This is a photo of the church building. Its beautiful, very chocolate box, shame it's not surrounded by green.



And finally the sign. The vicar will be moving on soon. Its going to be a lot of fun. You can see the website (both church and youth) by clicking here.

My interview went really well. The youth are wonderfully behaved and so are the staff. I've had to tell Ant off once already, so I think I'm going to get on well with him! Trev (one of my old youth group) is working in Stoke Gifford already, so that's going to be fun. I got to meet lots of people, some of whom I am linked to in ways I never could imagine. It's too hard to explain so get in touch if you want to know how I am already linked to St Michaels!

Back in Cheltenham now, clearing up and packing away. Very sad. I've cleared my shelves and my draws, so finding a place for everything has been fun. I've still got to find a proper place for all the important documents. And the summer continues to get busier.

The Summer Ball 2006

The summer ball was really good. I really enjoyed myself, with all of the people above and others. The day started with a dash into town for some final accessories and a few hayfever tablets. I got home and welcomed friends to a BBQ that lasted for a few hours. We ate some wonderful food and had a good chat about the last three years. I got some photos from the famous wall in the basement of where we've done most of our drinking.

The day continued with sitting on the patio, paining nails and chatting with Alex and Di about the evening ahead. We got ready, slowly but steadily and headed out of the door at six. We went to the beer gardens where the above photo was taken, shared a few bottles of wine and got on the bus to head to the race course.

Di and Alex instantly queued to get on the bungee ride (photo below) and we spent the evening walking around, speaking to people and dancing the night away. I've said goodbye to loads of people and I'm going to keep saying goodbye for the next week or so.



Fusion this evening was a lot of fun. I didn't take my camera, so no photos - sorry. I walked in to find a full inflated bouncy castle! Such a surprise. I had no idea what Ben was planning. I was given a few presents and made a speech to say thank you, because those are the only words that I have. I really enjoyed the whole evening. I'm sad to go, but I know I have to move on.

And I'm doing it quickly. Tomorrow I will spend a good 24 hours in Bristol. Meeting everyone for next year, getting to know my surroundings and who I will be working with. I'm meeting committee and youth groups as well as the people I will hopefully be living with.

So pray for me, for leaving things behind and moving on. Thank you.

A few days away

I've had a few days away so I'm refreshed and ready for tomoros craziness of the summer ball! I came home to find an empty house. The girls were stranded in Gloucester because Di's car died. They got back, very annoyed that they hadn't found what they needed for tomorrow.

I went shopping to find some wonderful jewellery to go with my dress, broughta bit more than I bargained for because the women in the shop was so helpful! Anyway lots is going on here, relationships finishing and boys doing very strange things...ummm...must be the weather!!

Having a holiday

I have spent the day doing nothing but reading and watching TV. Henry has Sky, so I've been keeping an eye on the wedding shows and the food programmes! I'm reading the new Patricia Cornwell story. I'm not impressed so far, it seems all the same now, but still cn't wait to find out how it ends. If you like CSI, I suggest you pick up a Cornwell book!

As for wedding fever, it's startingto pick up again, and I'm realising just how much some people spend on their weddings. One couple were spending £10,000 on feeding 100 guests. Thats a bit much for a buffet!

Any way, I'm going to get back to my book.

P.S. Karen I will go to the doctor at some point.

All over

My degree has ended :( I finished this morning at 11.15 after getting cramp in my hand at least twice during a really good exam paper. I also discovered that I got 63% on my assignment, so I am uber happy! Now I figure if my dissertation is highly marked I can come away from this wonderful experience with a high 2:2 or a low 2:1, how awesome would that be. I'm not worried any more, just looking forward to getting my results. I've had a really good time doing this degree malarky. So glad that I did it and happy with the people I've met.

La la la...still frustrated at what happened yesterday, but hey ho, not my problem.

Anyone know what the symptoms of RSI are? My right wrist is acting funny. Oh and I've pulled some muscles in my knee, ever so slightly - I was having trouble walking this morning! Yeay for my body know when I don't need it any more!

I feel happy, but numb. There's nothing left for my to do, although I will be busy right up until I start my job in Bristol.

Wasting precious time

I am in the middle of my exams, I had one this morning and I have one tomorrow. Why am I blogging rather than revising? Because someone has caused me stress by saying they're stressed. Now that's not the problem, the problem is that they're not stressed, they are not showing any signs of being stressed. Yet they have been signed off from uni for the end of the exam period. Also they have shut me off from what is happening, I've shown concern and it's been thrown in my face.

I don't know if there is any thing I can do to dissipate my anger at the current situation. I guess I'm going to Henry's tomorrow so I don't need to worry, but still the anger inside me needs to go somewhere. I don't enjoy being treated this way and I know it's not got anything to do with the way I acted! She's blocked me out, which I'm actually more angry at than anything else.

Ummm... Back to revision.

To add to that...

This deserves its own post... Someone (I will not say who) tried to expain what an 'over' is to me in cricket a couple of weeks ago. Do I look stupid? I may not play sport but I do watch it. I can explain LBW and have some knowledge of how to bowl! I used to play for goodness sake!!

By the way, it's way too hot to sleep!

Thine be the Glory

Not a song you'd associate with football, but since yesterday, all fans who watch the BBC's coverage of the current tournament will do exactly that. I don't know whether to be shocked, angry or happy that a hymn will feature on British screens for the next month or so. Someone help my figure out what I'm thinking. Football isn't a religion in my eyes, but for those who do follow, week on week, it may well be. Can it be possible for this to be a good thing? Umm... As for the game, I'm not impressed with the way we played today. Yes we scored, but we were not on top of our game. If the Germans can score 4 in their first match, how can we be held for most of a game? Thoughts of lifting that trophy are

Today has been a good day. We won the rafting (despite what some people would say) and I didn't get incredibly wet, as I thought I would. I think I may had mild sun stroke though. I was terribly dehydrated after rafting and I don't think I've done enough to help myself rehydrate. I'm feeling ever so slightly nauseous and headachy. I am certain that I have a red nose though. From te sun and from the hayfever. I am seriously suffering and have changed my drugs, although nothing seems to be helping. Please pray for me and the weather. I would like a little bit of rain. Maybe I should dance...

Exam - Isaiah

Today was ok. The exam went well. I was worried before hand that I would not know anything, but as it turns out what I'd revised was sort of what came up. Happy, not over joyed, but safe in the knowledge I've passed my final biblical based exam - ever!

I got my engagement ring back, so it's all shine and new looking, strange not to have it on my finger for a few days, definitely happy to have it back!

Now watching BB and thinking about Henry at download. I get to see him on Tuesday, so it's not too bad not seeing him this weekend. Who would want to be standing for 10 hours a day anyway, and only to see Guns n' Roses, oh, and Metallica? ;)

Sun burn and birthdays

I spent yesterday at the Cheltenham lido, I did do some revision (about the same amount that I've done today) and some swimming. I have a sun burnt back because I can't reach far enough to do my own back (show me someone who can!) but the rest of me is fine. A little browner than I was this time yesterday, but all happy and waiting for my damn exam to start! I am sooo bored, but stressed at the same time.

I have to speak at Chapel tonight about my hopes for the future and I have no idea what I want to say... Umm... I'll spend some time thinking later on today, when I've gone over my notes for the final time.

It's officially birthday season, and I am send presents out shortly to one of my friends. You can find some amazing things on the internet! Its also Father's day soon so I have to find something for him too!!

Anyway back to the revision, safe n the knowledge that I will wake up to my alarm tomorrow, no matter how much sleep I haven't had!!

A Quickie

Before Lost starts - the highlight of my day! How sad am I? (It's rhetorical, no need to answer!)
Have a look at my Dad's blog. He's written about churches that don't have a vicar - just as Christ Church doesn't at the moment. It's a brilliant article.
Also have a look at my sister's blog. Karen has a wonderful picture of her and the team that she's worked with for the past year. I'm looking forward to seeing them all graduate soon. They all look really good!
Finally, before it starts, I have a brilliant piece of news, everyone due to gradute this year will be able to because the strike by lectures has been called off. I would celebrate, but I have exams to sit very soon, so I'll be waiting til the summer ball to have a few glasses in celebration!

Growing up

I'm in a moment of reminiscing over the last three years. This Friday sees the beginning of my final exams and the end of three fantastic years at the University of Gloucestershire. I have been blogging since the beginning of my second year and have been reading some of my early entries. I've grown up a lot over the past year and a half. I've changed my mind more than enough, but remember my thoughts and feelings at the time of writing as if I'd just hit 'Publish Post'.

I'm no longer a single girl (sorry lads) but an engaged woman, looking forward to maried life. Scary!

Yes I can still be immature some times, but I can also be diplomatic and resourceful when I am called upon. I've had a great time at uni - loved the moments of absolute hilarity, laughed more than I care to remember and changed my attitude in many areas of life.

With all of that in mind I'm moving forward to something new, I'm not going to hang on to the old. Don't worry though, I will continue to blog - there's a lot to get through and I am not doing it on my own!

God's closing doors

I got another invite to an interview - but I can't go because it's during my exam. So I am slowly becoming convinced that Bristol is where I am meant to be next year.

The last 6 months have been an interesting time for me. I've literally had doors slammed in my face, and when things have been really bad there have been glimmers of hope on the horizon. I've finished many things, mostly in a hurry, but when it comes down to it I have tried my hardest to do my best, knowing that I'm heading towards graduation and married life.

So the future holds hope, a year of learning for me in many areas. A year and 46 days until I get married. I have to think about putting God before everything else. Praying first and fore most, as I fear that is the only way I am going to get through what lies ahead.

There are always going to be issues with interviews - they are so short notice these days. Each invitation I have received has been only a week in advance - which for some is stupid, especially when its a Baptist church doing the asking.

Buses

Not my favourite form of transport, but today we went to Cirencester. It's been wonderfully hot and I don't think I've got any sunburn - yeay for sun cream! Cirencester is beautiful. I haven't got any pictures, but there you go, we were on a scouting trip, not a sight seeing trip. We had a good walk and some ice cream. I'd love to see a parish church like Cirencester has in Billericay!

Back to the bus - they were both very old and had squeaky breaks - very disconcerting! And contributing to the pain I'm feeling to the left of my spine, I've done something to the muscles in my back and I'm not looking forward to sleeping on the floor this evening, but it has to be done, otherwise I won't be able to move tomorrow!

Metro readers

Hello to all of those who found my blog via metro.co.uk. Go on - have a good look!

Today is going really slowly, which is why I'm blogging. I'm seeing my parents in a couple of hours. They're over here on holiday - hoping that the house isn't being wrecked by my brothers. It's good for them to get away. I'm meant to be revising - but I did a full day yesterday so I'm having a rest!

Going to Cardiff to see Karen, it will be good to see her a I haven't since the funeral.

Revision

I am trying to revise but it's difficult when I don't actually understand what I'm reading, or it's been written is such a way that leaves me wondering why I ever chose to do a degree.
I've managed to cover Isaiah 1-12 and the Church in the 19th Century today. In note form. I can;t decide whether exams being so close together is a good thing or not. I'm looking forward to two weeks time today - I'll be seeing Karen, after finishing my last exam - I'd best get on with the revision really.
I couldn't get an assignment back because I'm lazy and didn't realise we have to write a note for someone else to collect them, I guess it doesn't matter anyway, I know I'm not going to get anything other that comments because of the ridiculous strike!

The Weekend

I can now add another event to my CV. I have planned and run over 4 hours of activities for 3-5 year olds, over a weekend, and with a small team. Yeay! It was a really got experience and I got one proposal and a new boyfriend - both of whom I declined (obviously) as they were several years my junior!
It was really good to see Helen and the members of St Andrews, as I haven't seen most of them since Helen's knee op in August. She's in lots of pain which wasn't helped by the fact that her team weren't encouraging and just wanted to run around with the children. I'm not going to say much more cos I know she's reading! Helen did a brilliant job and her church are very lucky to have her for another year.
As for me I'm absolutely exhausted but unable to sleep, because I've done nothing all day other than catch up on sleep. Need a routine again!

Very very last

This is a photo of the card I received from the children at Fulshaw Lodge this morning. I'm not going to see them again and I'm absolutely gutted. It's been a great experience and definitely the end of an era for me, in some ways saying goodbye to them was harder than finishing my degree. I know I'll get to see my housemates and youth group again, but the pre-school is closing down so I've only got until December to see them again.

I've learnt so much over the last three years - from uni and working at pre-school. The things I have volunteered to do have taught me more in so many ways, but I am really looking forward to graduating in November - hopefully with a 2:2! All of my assignments are in and now I have three exams and one final lecture to go! Scary, but good fun all the way to the end.

One thing I will say is, why do students have to get incredibly drunk to enjoy themselves? I went to the sports awards and I've never seen so many healthy people (some of whom are at the top of their sport) drunk, they keep going until they can't stand up. It's not big and its not clever.

Assignments and jobs

The past 24 hours has been a bit up an down really. I've started doing my 'lasts' again. I haven't quite finished all of my lectures, but I have had my last monday in Uni. Many of the lecturers are realising that this is the last week they'll teach udergraduate students on the TRS scheme. At the moment I have only one assignment left to do, having done one today, unfortunately I've left the hardest til last, not the wisest idea, but I'm going to get it done.

Also I received a phone call to say that the finance for next year had been sorted and now all I've got to worry about is my accommodation and job description. So I was ultra happy with that piece of news first thing in the week. This afternoon I received an email to say that I'd been asked for interview in Swindon. The interview seemed a bit much for me though, it is in the middle of exam time and two full days, if I were to be successful. It's a baptist church so everyone gets a say in who is employed, which means that if the first day went well I would have to preach and lead twice on the Sunday. The Baptist way of doing things is slightly too daunting for me, so I'm sticking to Bristol for a year. I actually panicked when I saw the layout for the interview - one talk of under 10's, one assembly, and a small group talk too, then a more formal interview! Oh my goodness.

Still I don't have to worry I'm not going for it, but I'm looking forward to doing the same thing next when looking for a full time, better paid job!

Share it

Namely faith, Christianity, what Christ has done for the world. Fusion heard about the life of someone who has been carried through his life and is now off to Tanzania to build a school because that's God's calling on his life.
It's hard to share faith with people, those you know and strangers, but lots of good can come from it. I believe that all those who have faith in Christ are called to sow seeds. That's all we can do, it's God's job to do the rest. So next time you feel you're failing understand one thing - God is carrying you and helping you plant seeds.

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. Matt 17:20

Other religions

Well, more like, sects of Christianity who have got it wrong. Mormons, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. There are loads of other names I could call them, but I think I would be hunted if I did so.
They're not a bad lot, just slightly twisted in the head really. Umm...which would you rather read - the Gospels which were written at the end of the first/second century B.C. or something that was written in the 1800's, after a vision in a field? Thankfully I've chosen the former, a trinity that exists as one and God who speaks a whole load of sense. Not three separate entities and the belief in a prophet who is still trying to bridge the gap across the ravine.
Christ is alive, God speaks and the Holy Spirit guides and I am going to burn the book I was given. God told me to do so!

Dissertation, done and dusty!

You may as well have a look at the hugest piece of writing I've done so far.



Isn't it just brilliant?!

Football on tonight, Champions League final, I'm an Arsenal fan. I'm looking forward to having a pint or two during the match - of lemonade!

Right I'm going back to work, thanks Dad for your useful tip!!!

9,794, 52 pages, 1 ink cartridge

And I have finished! What a relief, no I can stop worrying about that and begin my other assignments that are due over the next week or so. I still have 4000 words to go before I can start revision. It never ends! But this afternoon it's being put on hold. I'm going to buy myself a good piece of meat and take my time eating it. I think I deserve a chocolate pudding too.
First of all I have to get the thing bound!

Dissertation

It's stupidly early on Tuesday morning and I am about to go to bed. As I didn't sleep too well last night I thought I'd work till I was falling asleep this evening, knowing that my English skills go slightly wonky, with or without the aid of alcoholic beverages, after midnight, but also knowing that I need to have a clear head for the last bit of my diss tomorrow.
I have made a huge jump forward tonight. I have been sat in the same spot for nearly 7 hours, but I have managed to finish my diss. 9,564 - without edits, so it's likely to get longer. Not the magic 10,000 I was hoping for, but 500 words short is not too bad eh? My longest chapter is a whopping 3,620 words, my shortest only being 966 at the moment.
Shall blog later on today when I've done everything to go with it or with the news that it's been handed in.
Good Night xxx
P.S. Those who read my blog in the middle of the night are as mad as me!

Exam timetables

After having a not so exciting lecture this morning I am in a slightly better mood after finding that my exams will be finished by 13 June. I only have three, so this is quite an achievement for the exam board to put them this early on. Unfortunately it's not within the first week, which would have been ideal, but an 11.15 Tuesday finish on the second week is not bad!
Just got to get the assignments in first!

Under selling...

...Myself, and all the hard work I've done for my dissertation. As ever. I've always been like this and I don't think its going to change.
I have a few changes to make, but I'm hoping that me dissertation will be ready by Friday, only a week late, nothing major.
First of all though I have lectures to go to and a present to post - guess who turns 50 this Sunday?

Speaking at Fusion

Well I didn't exactly speak, or preach, more guided the teenagers as they looked at 1 John 4:7-21. It was a good evening with great food, I can't believe I had a proper dinner and ate a burger and a half! As well as sweets. I'm running to uni tomoro!
The weekend has been lots of fun. We went to a birthday party and met some awesome people. We went to the theatre and saw Festen, which was unusual and an interesting play, I would like to see the original movie. Something exciting for Harry Potter fans, I've seen Tom Riddle (Chamber of Secrets) in the flesh! I'm going to keep my opinion to myself - otherwise I'll get in trouble! Also went shopping in Worcester in the pouring rain and now understand shirt sizes, I am becoming a wife! Oh dear!
Strangest thing - cooking in someone else's kitchen, one that you're not familiar with, but see at least once a month - if not every week. Dunno why, and for some reason it's not something I would do regularly.

A blast from the past and something to be proud of...

I received a letter today from someone I haven't heard from since 1999/2000. Ok so it doesn't seem a long time a go for some people but for me, at the tender age of 21, it is so in the past I can see how much I have developed. I've achieved a lot since I was 15, but I won't go into that.

It was a letter from someone I used to go on holiday with. There was a big group of us and I've still got the photo of that holiday camp somewhere. Very strange, there are little things about that holiday and the following year that stick in my mind. Most are really good, though there are a few I want to forget. 6 years is a long time and it will be interesting if we do meet up in the future.

My housemate finished her dissertation today and I am so proud of her. I'm proud of everyone at the moment. I think its a great achievement to write such a big piece and the relief when she hands it in will be awesome. Yes I almost cried, but then I know how much has gone into it and how she feels about it.

Finally, those who complain about the washing up should be shot!

Because I'm bored (again) and frustrated

The internet has gone crazy. Everything has been stupidly slow today, including myself. Things are taking forever to load and I'm finding out how crap MSN can be. I now have a space on MSN and a myspace account. Myspace is a whole lot better, MSN is just a poor attempt at a copy, but saying that MYspace has a load of faults.
For a start is from the US, so doesn't have school contacts yet, you have to be really observant when creating your profile and have to download a program to resize all of your photos!
Ok generally I am over heating and suffering from lack of sleep, so once I've got into my uni account I shall be switching everything off!

Clarification

Thank you for your comment Dad. Let me change the question - it's not about music or luck. Lennon and Di (in my mind) are a more likely comparison than Di and Elvis on political merit. Lennon did his massive peace bed bit and Di did the HIV/AIDS thing in the 80's. I think that's how I compare them. Did Elvis do any peace rallies? Didn't he actually serve in the army? See where I'm coming from?

David Beckham dying - probably, Tony Blair? Is there a celebrity doing 'good work' that everyone knows about? Good work is written like that deliberately - we discussed the notion of a 'good work'. How is a celebrity holding a baby who has HIV a good work? Yes they are raising awareness and looking at what is being done for the suffering millions, but they go away when the cameras leave. They don't stick around and truly make a difference.

Does society strike anyone as post-Christian? Is Di the modern equivalent of Christ? From the previous statement I would say no, but I wonder what everyone else thinks? What would be the modern equivalent of Christ?

Oh sorry, bit deep for a Thursday evening!

Killing time...

I'm in that place where I'm so bored and tired that I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not sleeping particularly well and getting up early. Obviously that leaves me tired all day, so it gets to about 4pm and I just stop, especially when I've had to talk about the 'cult of celebrity' for the previous two hours.

Apparently the death of Diana tells us a lot about popular culture and the religion of the society we live in. I understand that, but is it necessary to ask really long questions on such a wonderful afternoon? Oh and making really bad comparisons. How was Elvis anything like Princess Di? Surely John Lennons a better match? For those of you who lived in that era could tell me? I think I'm talking about icons of our time, are there people who we perceive in the same way as we did with Di? Would there be a mass out pouring of grief if someone who is uber-famous died tomorrow?

Public reaction is a funny thing. I've filled my time rather nicely. I'm off to 'be free' at chaplaincy!

New Vicar

Looks like I'm going to be the first person to break the news to the world. Christ Church, Billericay has a new vicar. His name is Warner Pidgeon (yes I laughed too!) and he's from Southampton.
So nothing unusual, except I'm linked to him. Yes there are a lot of Christians in England and some how I am slowly being linked to all of them in one way or another. How do I know this guy? He knows Gav, I know Helen and Helen and Gav work in the same church, got it? Weird, but I guess there's a reason behind it, though I can see my church and Helen's church doing swapsies!
For those of you wh are doing or have done a dissertation, mine is 7,321 words done. Thats 2 and a half chapters pretty much. I'm getting there, though I'm not as pressured as some to finish.

A lesson in youth work

I had a wonderful meeting this morning that was totally not focused on the task ahead, namely that I am talking on Sunday about love IT (standing for informed truth). It's difficult to become focused when the person you are working with isn't particularly in the mood for a bit of a business chat. Any way we got it done, and I am confidant that the youth will totally understand where I am coming from and what it's all about (maybe not).

Apologies to Karen and Nick, I didn't realise we were using Karen's blog as a forum for wedding ideas! Ed in a blue tie - well worth it, if he matches properly - I hope he doesn't look too girly. Ed and Danielle getting married, still something I have to get my head around, in fact I'm still trying to get my head around my own! Ed does have to make his own decisions, but thats only when it comes down to best man and possibly stag do, otherwise it's totally Danielle and her bridal party I'm afraid!

It's the little things...

Well, actually, it's more like mile stones in life. I completed another chapter of my dissertation today. Two chapters and 6,300 down, 2 chapters and 3,700 words to go!
Needless to say, I'm having a rest!
My Dad has published a photo that I'm sure is going to be close to my heart in the coming years. Thanks Dad. It's taken in the grounds of the church that we're getting married in. Lovely!
Right back to work, I have four essays to plan this evening and dinner to buy!

Dripping wet

I'm half talking about the awful weather this morning and my washing that I had to put out. One of my housemates, I am yet to find out who, decided to pull my washing out after only spining it once. Now this wouldn't be a problem if our washing machine wasn't ancient and I hadn't filled it (but not over filled). So I went to lift my basket and almost broke my back doing so, tipped water all over the floor and was late for my lecture because I had to wring everything, and even then it was still dripping. I did text everyone to let them know my dilemma, and I'm so glad I cleaned the bathroom last week. I'm still majorly annoyed though. It takes five mins to spin again, the person who did it is lucky that I don't leave things to do at the end of the day!

I have decided to spend next year at Bristol. It's going to be a good place for me. A mixture of schools, church and student work (be aware all those at UWE!) that will give me some good experiences to help me get a proper job.

The course administrator emailed me this morning. Apparently I don't have enough knowledge of the curriculum in the surrounding area and of RE in general. This is down to a number of factors from my point of view. One - the school I was placed with didn't allow me to watch their classes. Two - RE syllabuses differ from LEA to LEA. And finally - I don't have a heart for it any more. I would love a qualification to teach, but not at the moment. Yet again I am taking a break from academia to learn fromn the Bible and experience.

Nick - what can I say, maybe I just don't promte my cause enough!

Back in Cheltenham...

and back to work. Trying my hardest to juggle amounts off work with time off, otherwise I will die.
This evening's fusion was about the Holy Spirit and gifts there of. There are many - found in 1 Corinthians 12 mainly and naturally we were asking God to bless us with the gifts. The version you have just read (or are about to read if you click on the link) is quite good, though obviously not exhaustive. The great thing is that verse 11 says 'He (God) decides who gets what, and when', they are there for a reason, for a moment, to be used, appropriately. I'm looking forward to discovering my gifts and asking for more over time. I know at the moment I'm lacking in certain areas.

I've come across a chart song that speaks volumes to me. It's a little weird when that happens cos I tend to read far too much into secular songs, when I really shouldn't! Anyway its from the new snow patrol album (which I am so tempted to buy!) and is called 'All I have is you'. Frame of mind is definitely a weird thing, but this speaks to me, in so many ways. I'll let you try to fathom what I'm thinking!

I'm lucky if I get 5, Nick - how do you do it?

Funeral

Today has been full of mixed emotions, understandably. Lots of tears, but also incredible amounts of joy and wonderful stories of my grandad and his life. I think I'm now old enough to appreciate family, close and far.

Thank you for all your messages and support.

Nick, thanks for the hits! It's nice to see numbers growing rather than shrinking - maybe I can do the same for you (even if it is in secret!)

Being in Bristol...

...Well actually Stoke Gifford. I was meeting someone I may work with next year, finding out what I would be doing if I went to work with them. St Micheals is a lovely church and I could see myself working there. There are a lot of opportunities for me, maybe even assistant youth minister in a few years.
I'll keep you up to date. I've not made up my mind yet, this is a tough decision to make.

The joy and wonder of a tracker

Have you seen my tracker? Its the little box at the bottom with a globe and a 'heartbeat' around it. Dare you to click it and see what you get!

Its a great thing - it gives me the numbers of people that visit my blog every day and normally where they are from. The best days are mondays (almost a quarter of the weekly total), with a majority of people visiting the site just after dinner it seems (between 5 and 6pm). Its all very interesting and gives me much joy knowing that there are people who regularly log on to have a read.

The wonder part of it comes from the web pages and IP addresses I get in the individual tracker section. In turn I learn a lot from it. I recognise some of the addresses but not others and when that happens I do a little bit of searching. You can probably guess which ones are the most intriguing and also who visits the most!

These little things - boy I'm glad we haven't got ID cards yet...can you imagine?

Wedding stationary and other things

Karen, wedding stationary was good fun, we've got some good ideas, but now we have to decide between that or some else, and we probably should see what other people can do for us, or even if we can do it ourselves! Eek. They were lovely though and will go in the book of ideas, which needs to be updated. About FLickr, the http it gives me for each photo doesn't have a .gif, .jpeg (blah, Blah) on the end of it so I can't do it that way round. More advice please!

I am going to start work in a bit after a very late start. No lectures because it's bank holiday. I was going to get up early and work hard but the rest of my had other ideas! Hence the late blog and being annoyed at self!

Someone has got to tell me of an easier way of doing this!! Can I change my profile pic without posting a new photo of myself every time?
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Oh dear!

What can be more boring than watching the final of the Snooker World Championship? For a start its being played by the two slowest professionals I've seen in a long time - Dott and Ebdon, as well as it being Snooker, nuff sed!
And secondly, what have the BBC decided to do? Show it in ultra slow motion using a special camera. Joy. Yes of course the wonders of technology, blah, blah, but please, wondering about what a ball actually does as it gets hit by a cue or another ball, seriously? Sad or what? Plus Channel Four have been well up on this for at least a year, if memory serves me correctly (and do correct me if my memory is crap!). They used it to show that some cricket players close their eyes when they are going for a big hit off a fast ball!

Rant over. (Very good illustration of how my mind works - I only watch when nothing interesting is going on, I couldn't tell you at this moment who is winning)

One exciting piece of news. I'm going for my first job interview, with Ben, to Bristol. I'll give you the details when I know more. Its on Wednesday, so I am looking forward to the beginning of this week, and less towards the end.

Final exciting piece of news, well a fact. Did you know that there are different types of coal in the Bible? Get your Hebrew out! The coal that is mentioned when Peter denies Christ, is different from other types of coal (because of what it is made from) and is only mentioned again when Peter and Christ become friends again on the beach after the resurrection. A nice little fact to impress your friends and don't ever say I don't educate you!

Updated my Flickr account - take a peek!

Weekend!

I have done pretty much nothing this weekend. Ok so I've not spent the entire weekend sleeping, I have done a few things. I played squash with Henry, which I lost, I am geting better though and I do enjoy playing. I am definately becoming a gracious loser, but thats because the person I am playing loves to gloat!
Watched Scary Movie 4 - which was ok, its not as funny as the first one, but thats because I haven't seen some of the movies that were included in the spoof. The new cinema in cheltenham is good, but stupidly over priced.
We went for lunch this afternoon, and played some pool. Henry won, but only by default. Now we're just sat around chilling, trying to work at the same time though!

Orange!

Well sort of red with anger actually. I sent my letter off this morning, with a little help from my housemates, and then got a phone call from my mum telling me I'd got something from Orange! Argh! Frustrating!

Work on the other hand is going well. I'm pacing myself, waiting to find out what student services can do for my severe lack of concentration at the moment.

Back to work I go!

Being at home

I'm in Essex for less than a day now, but I thought I'd blog because I've not got the mind capacity to concentrate on work. I have done a couple of hours this week, enough to get me started on various projects but I'm looking forward to going back to Cheltenham tomorrow to see everyone and catch up on things that have happened during Easter.

If you've read Karen's blog you'll know that my Grandad passed away on tuesday after fighting cancer for a year and a half. I'm going to be all over the place until his funeral. We've been chatting about him for a while now as a family and I realise how much fun we had with him during his life. He told me that my double chin was coming along well on sunday - the cheek of it! Any way we had a laugh. Bless him.

God's in all that we do, I know that now more than ever.

well apart from phone companies! I received a new phone last week and only this morning told them that it keeps rebooting itself. They told me that they couldn't do anything if there was nothing wrong with it because I'd passed the 7 day return period. SEVEN days! You've got to be kidding me. How am I supposed to make up my mind in 7 days? I've got to charge it for 3/4 of a day before I can even start using it, oh and I have to manually transfer my phone numbers over so thats a couple of hours work, and for all they care I might not be using it and find a fault after the 7 days! As far as I'm aware it only says about the 7 day return policy on the invoice, nowhere in the actual term and conditions does it say that. ARGH! Anyway, Dad got on the phone and threw in his two cents worth. Nokia and Orange have gone down in my list of good companies, etc, etc!

I was also going to unblock my old phone and give it to my mum, telling the customer service bloke that email was the way I wished to be contacted. What did they do? Send me a bleeding letter, to the wrong address. So thats useless! Technical support my a!!e.

Rant over with, go back to work!

Calm...

I have calmed down since yesterday, kind of. I've got another application form to fill in today to send before the 4th May. It's actually in Kent this time. Deal. Umm...I'm going to read the job description and fill in the application form.

I watched a programme last night that ended rather sadly and felt biased against young Christian couples. It was called Teens that tie the knot. I'm not sure if it was a one-off but when the final couple were introduced as committed Christians I was interested. Simon and Sarah had decided to abstain from everything before they got married. The programme was divided between three couples, the first couple who were madly in love and both 17 (and she was four months pregnant when they got married), the secound couple had a huge age difference and the final couple were, as I said, Christians with a 2 year age gap. It followed the before, during and after, from dating to marriage. The funny thing was that none of the mothers approved of the weddings, their daughters were to young, inexperienced and it wouldn't work out because of various factors.

For the Christian couple it didn't work. They struggled from the week they got married and seperated after filming finished. I don't know why, but there were things I could see that make me ask questions about my own relationship as I head towards marriage! Maybe even questions for myself that I haven't thought about since the start of my degree, like where do I see myself in five years? And all about my future.

Still through all of this I know that God is there looking over me, looking after me!

Don't panic, Mr Mainwaring!

Ok so I'm not in the same situation as the home guard, but I did almost hyperventilate. The first job I applied to, which is in London, have delayed making their shortlist becuase one of the panel is still on holiday! Oh my goodness, there was I thinking 'if I don't hear anything soon I will be disappointed', now I have a reason to worry. Have they contacted me because it's likely that I will be on the shortlist or have they just contacted everyone? I have a million and one things going around in my head and I still need to work! Argh. My head is all over the place.
Pray if you're inclined to, I have to!

She knows she loves me! This is Helen, the birthday girl at the grand old age of 23...well she's not that old...
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Complaining

Is something I tend to do behind closed doors...but when something really gets on my wick, I'm going to say something.

So extra housemate is paying bills even though proper housemate thinks I'm complaining about the fact that extra housemate is living here. Extra HM is fine, no problem, proper HM is the one causing the issue. O and no-existent HM has left me to find and sort out a problem that we should've told the Landlord about ages ago. Lets just say, there's no clean water in the toilet. So having phoned the landlord to sort things out and getting the answer machine I will now have to ask non-existent HM if she knew anything about said problem before she left, which I am not looking forward to because I may get angry.

La La La - not fusion to calm myself down, this can't be good!

Southampton!

I'm here for Helen's birthday, and a bit of a holiday as well as doing some work! Its all good fun. I've met most of her family since monday which has been a laugh. Not a lot else has been going on, I have been working but as always I can't do that 24/7 so we've been shopping too! I'm the proud owner of a new skirt and some flat shoes. The shoes are incredibly sparkley and will go with almost anything, umm I'm going to live in them for the summer I think.
Anyway we're off to Gunwharf Quays this afternoon for some more shopping!

When things explode!

My hair dryer when putp! this morning. Smoke every where and a nasty smell. Not nice. I'm hoping that God will bless me with a cheap and good hair dryer that will last!

Another thing that exploded was St Aidans and St Silas this morning! We went as Fusion to show that there are some young people in the parish! It was great, I am really impressed with those who turned up to play and read. Ben is a good preacher. We got a great reaction from the congregation.

Happy all over. I'm off to Southampton tomoro, so I have to pack at some time, but first I have to go to st Matts to speak to their congregation about being a Christian Student.

Things in places they shouldn't be...

Like food and girlfriends. One housemate moved her girlfriend in 4 weeks ago, and she's still here, and now they've taken over my freezer space too. So I crashed and banged this morning trying to get a piece of chicken out of the freezer, purely because I couldn't get to it. I don't like crashing around at 8 in the morning, but its not exactly my fault. And by the way, she hasn't asked if she could do either of these things. I have to feed two people too, on a regular basis, and fresh stuff is more expensive than frozen food.
ARGH.
Dinner with the Mattos's was good last night. They are awesome people, I realise that I'm a lot like the wife, we have more in common than I always thought.
This morning I got a good surprise (finding a full freezer draw is not a good surprise) - the secretary at the pre-school had brought me an Easter bunny! How nice is that? I also have henna on my hand, which got lots of questions from the kids, its cultural week, 'One World' for uni students, so thats where I got it from before you ask!
Grease just came on the radio, weird!

Volunteering

I'm not talking about next year but today. Once again working for CMS (I did lots 18 months or so ago), on their fundrasing project this year which is about sex slaves in India. Very moving and worrying that people are still being treated with such inhumanity.

I've also been filling in application forms and sending off for them too. Lots of fun and exciting things for me to e doing as well as working!

Isaiah

You know how I hate to brag, but... my Isaiah presentation went really well! Despite no sleep and a different lecturer. No questions at the end, stunned silence. Yeay, I have the knack of lecturing! One other thing to note I got a massive well done from the American student, who did brilliantly herself and nothing from the rest of the english students.

So now I am off to my very first private viewing of an exhibition taking place in Park. Its all good!

What to do?

So now I've spent time looking, there are a number of things I could do and a number of places I could be. Bristol, London, Essex, Kent, doing youth work, doing temp work, sitting on my backside (yeah right) or being a Teaching assistant somewhere.

The world is my oyster - but I don't like seafood that much! Ha ha.

So totally indecisive, with little knowledge of whats out there for me, and struggling with the fact that I know so many people who are looking for job after they graduate and aren't having any luck! It's tough and it's competitive! Yeay, eek! Definitely mixed about this.

Pray for me!

Closed doors

ho hum...maybe I'm not meant to be a teacher anyway. Cheltenham declined my application without interview. Kinda sucky really, and I am chasing up the uni to ask why they haven't given a place to one of their own students.
So I have spent the last day or so looking for a job that will last perhaps a year or more, spoken to a lot of people who feel exactly the same way as me. I've had offers of references from at least three people, Ben even wants to come along to an interview with me!
Above all I have to finish my degree.

God is awesome though, right from the beginning he's been looking after me, and as I turned the page of my journal - mid-rant - I was confronted with the obvious truth,

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Our God is an Awesome God. My faith and the love of those around me is all I have to keep me going - plus a degree to finish!

A game of two halves

I went to my first live football match for ages last night.Cheltenham v Wrexham. It finished 2-2, so not bad for £15! I still got really excited during the match and the coach in me still shouts! I take that from my Nan and Mum! I miss it, but I don't miss being so cold I cant feel my feet and hands! It was great fun, even if one of the girls did use the programme as a boy catalogue! The Birmingham didn't do too well but Liverpool scored a massive 7 goals! Billericay on the other hand a through to a cup final at last! I tell you League football is not much different from Non-league, from what I remember, however Premiership is totally different.

I've spent the day reading, Sexual Theology, in preparation for my tutorial tomorrow. I've also been doing something about the Isaiah presentation on Monday that I have to do. 35:1-10, anyone got any ideas?

Birmingham, Malvern, Cardiff, Cheltenham

I have been all over the place this week.

Tuesday and Wednesday I was in Birmingham with Henry. It was lots of fun, the concert was good too, and window shopping at the Bull Ring!

Wednesday evening I was back in Cheltenam surrounded by things to read and plan. By Thursday evening I was in Malvern, in the winning team at the quiz that Henry had written. I promise I had no help from him and I haven't touched the Easter egg that was my prize, though I have fallen in love with the fluffy duck I got!

Friday was spent playing (and beating) Henry at Thunderbirds Monopoly!

Saturday I was stood all afternoon in a dress shop in Cardiff, shortly followed by watching Karen wear dresses that suited her so well I'm worried she'll outshine me on my day. I met all of her friends and (still being on form from the previous day) made utterly stupid suggestions while we watched a movie called Hostage.

Today started off much the same as Saturday, I was in Church taking the mick and being incredibly loud. Lunch was fun and soo filling, I got to say grace, which I am starting to enjoy. We had some good discussions, about hell and people slating evangelicals, plus a bit of creationism. Why do people always think I'm not going to believe in the power and might, as well as existence of God when I'm doing Theology? Karen's colleagues were amazed that I was still in the Church after doing 2 and a half years of Theology!

This afternoon was taken up with the CIA Wedding Fair, I have changed my mind so many times, but now I'm set on ruby and silver, with white! So there you go, start planning your outfits! I also found the bouquet I want! But its on someone elses wedding photos!

It took me an hour and a half to get home, and then I rushed to Fusion only to be picked on, I was told my life was boring and that I needed to sing in front of everyone! It was great - we were talking about Salvation, so two questions for you - Are you saved? And if so, Do you care? Ephesians 2:10 says that we should!

Indian culture

'Just me and Him, that's all I need...we'll be fine'

Apparently what one Indian woman said to Ben, she was living on the street, as do many people. She was talking about Jesus of course. Amazing faith, it shows in the most dire situations but lets people live with such joy, something that is hard to grasp in the world we live in.

It seems almost separate, totally alien. Maybe that's what stops us from totally trusting God, possessions...

But it does happen, it is happening, maybe not on our front door, but in the world.

Amazing

All things bridal!

I took the evening off to sit with Hugh Grant and look at all things bridal and wedding-y. Lots of fun, though I'm not giving away the details! I've got a wonderful little book that tells me all of the things that are involved and how to save a bit of money! Best thing was that the Cheif Bridesmaid has to traditionally do 15 things in the run up to and on the Big Day. Yes Karen, there are a load of things for you to be involved in and to delegate!
Oh and in relpy to your (once again) helpful comments - I'll see what I can do! Do you want to fund me?

Mixed Emotions!

I have been in a state for a week now!! This Canterbury thing is really getting to me, I don't know why!
Also housemates girlfriend is annoying me, she keeps going on about buying me chocolate so I can calm down - only problem is I have given up chololate for lent! Argh! Have also given up crisps and anything extremely fatty! Which means I can't use my tesco vouchers, because they've given me points for butter, jams and spreads and other things I've never brought in my life! Stoopid!
See what I mean? I'm just posting so I can rant!

Theologically advanced!

What do you think of Theology? Is it out-dated, irrelevant? Or topical and useful for every day life? I was reminded today by my lecturer (for Radical Christian Theology) that a true theology is one that takes into account scripture, tradition, culture, reason and experience. So what I hear you say... So it can be done by anyone who has knowledge of each of these. Easy! Not so. A distinct lack of one of these breeds a form of fundamentalism. Theology has to be very careful.

We were discussing the spin-off from the Vatican II that we now call Liberation Theology, now that to me is out-dated. Liberation Theology didn't work, Latin America has not experienced a leveling out of wealth and a poor people revolution, why? I don't know, we discussed the basis of it, not how it effected the world. Yes a good grounding is essential, but the time we spend in lectures can facilitate us to learn from the reading, if we all did the reading (yes I am a geek!). Not re-learn things from previous years. There isn't a good 'modern history' of recent theology - at least not one that is written for dummies!

I did have a good time at Chapel - we had a discussion about some of the more controversial passages in the Bible. John 7:1-10 was the passage we had to discuss. Did Jesus lie? Did he change his mind? Did he have the ability to change his mind? By the way, it doesn't say in the 10 commandments 'thou shall not lie' so boo! to you who got that wrong!
1 Cor 8 was the next passage. Which is just Paul going round in circles - lol, funny man!
There were a few other passages, Matt 19:16-22, do we have to give up everything, or change what our idols are? Remember God is a jealous God! And finally - Propreity in worship - 1 Cor 11, the word for head here is different from further on in the passage, and the only time it is used...so what did Paul mean by it? Well no one is quite sure!! What is the relationship within the Trinity, the are no power differences - God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are equal!

One more thing - why can't we totally depend on God? What stops us?

Dissertation amongst other things....

I had a very, very productive day yesterday. I got the first chapter of my dissertation done! Now you're probably all thinking @an introduction can't be that hard' - well diss's are a funny thing, you don't write them in order. Therefore, I have done the main bulk of research and put it into my own words - all 2,930 of them! 430 words over the count (if divided equally) but never-the-less it is done! Well first draft any way! It will have to be changed, because I know my final paragraph is horrible! Now I just have to read it!

The other things...
I got a letter from Canterbury outlining the reasons for my application being declined , it was totally my fault. I'm not enthusiastic enough about teaching. Though would you be enthusiastic about anything if you'd spent more than 3 hours travelling for your interview? Kinda sealed NOT going to Lincoln for me really! So now I have to go through an interview here and hope my wonderful personality stands out in an interview!

I also got an email from the head of the Student Associate Scheme - it looks like I'm going to be moved if I don't get anything back from St Benedicts, which I really don't want. I know some of the students there and I've met with the head of RE who was more than keen to take me on!

Maybe teaching isn't for me? What else can I do though?

Working!!

Finally after a week with a horrible cold I'm back to my normal procrastinating and trying to work. I will get it done! Promise. If I haven't finished this chapter by the end of the week, I will start to worry, although, I'm 2000 words ahead of some people!

Being on the radio!

Ha ha! I'm slowly achieveing world fame! Well, no-one argued with me and apparently I id a good job. I don't know if there will be a sound clip of the show but it was good fun, and I'd do it again if I was asked!
I was really nervous and felt like I was not making any sense but it was good!

Ugandan elections

Guess what! I got nervous for no reaso, I wasn't on the radio, but the nice man did phone me and tell me that they wouldn't be able to talk to me! He wished me good luck!
I wanted to be on the radio though!! What do I do now?
I guess I have to go back to teaching RE!!

A debut

I'm going to be on the radio tonight! On BBC World Service, talking about RE in schools. I posted my views (being ill I have some time to surf!) on the BBC website and received a call from a very nice gentleman who asked me about what I'd written! I'm so excited!!

Have a look at what I've said!

Indecisive!

I've got a cold, I'm also way behind on what I wanted to do this week and I won't be going out on thursday! One of my housemates has gone out to get me som drugs and food, so I can eat and not die! I feel awful but I have managed to sit myself up to check my email amd blog! I'm not looking forward to the next few days, I know its going to get worse before it gets better, but I really don't want to spend all of my time in bed!

Some good news, well something I'm indifferent about. I had a phone call from Lincoln saying the interview date could be earlier. I'm still not sure if I even want to go that far. I'm meeting the admin lady at uni tomoro so I can get an idea of the amount of places there are here before I go travelling cross country!!

Bridal Shower...or baby shower?

No I'm not pregnant, but I bet you wondered, didn't you? No happier nws than that, the guy who is overseeing our wedding has just had a baby, well his wife did. We saw him at the Bridal show we went to, spent half the afternoon there, gathering ideas, and formulating plans for table decorations, favors, bridesmaids dresses and cakes! All wonderful things and great to get to know some of the faces I might be dealing with over the next year and a half! I'm keeping it all under my tiara, so that the day for most people will be a lot of fun!!

We were discussing Jesus the Son in Fusion this evenin as part of our trinity series. It's very hard to get anything out of a youth group if they're lectured (or preached, if you prefer) to, and that's how I understand the difference between youth workers and vicars. Vicars are very good at preaching, youth workers are very good at asking questions, both get responses, in different ways. Before you ask, I have no idea which I'm better at!

I'm still in two minds about lincoln.

Doing things for others

There is only so much you can do for someone before they start to over-step the mark. Like posing as them so they can do a stupid amount of modules for their final semester. If you haven't read my blog before you won't have the foggiest idea who I'm on about, if you have and you still don't know, shame on you! I've gone out of my way, so if she starts complaining about work load I will have to slap her.

And no, it's not the universities fault, its the stubborness of the person taking the extra modules.

Though having said that, is it my own fault for letting the person over step the mark? Sometimes I'm just not impressed with my own niceness!

Some forwards are too good to pass up!!

This is me all over!!! Very scary and incredibly funny!

How you know you experienced the 90's:
1) 10p Mr Frosty Ice Pops on long summer days!
2) Gordon the Gopher!
3) You could do or tried to do the Prodigy step. 'You're no good 4 me....'
4) You owned or longed for an Adidas three stripe tracksuit
5) You owned a compilation tape with TOP TUNES such as " Mr Vain", "What is love " and " Rhythm is a dancer " and 'How Bizarre, How Bizarre "
6) Girls thought Blue Mascara was cool!
7) Girls actually fancied Garry Barlow more than Robbie Williams
8) The Racoons! (nuff said)
9) You owned a pair of Nike Air Max, and wore them to death
10) Mr Motivator (What ever happened to him?)
11) Running on the spot dancing! (WAYHEY THE RUNNING MAN... )
12) You wore leggings/cycling shorts with long t-shirts
13) You owned a Bennetton, NafNaf, sweater shop jumper or waistcoat (or bag)
14) Girls owned scrunchies in an array of colours and tacky headbands with their names written on in thick glitter
15) You bought Smash Hits for the song lyrics and the immense amount of stickers that you would stick everywhere!
17) You had a pen pal
18) You could only watch the Simpson's on sky
19) On a Saturday evening you watched Catchphrase, Gladiators, Generation Game, Noels House Party and then Casualty
20) You taped the Pepsi Chartshow on radio one and tired in vain to pause the tape before the annoying guy talked and ruined the whole thing.
21) Cans of Coke were 25p
22) 10p Space Raiders Crisps
23) A grey Fruit of the Loom jumper was a must have
24) Sharkie & George were the crimebusters of the sea
25) Puffa jackets
26) You used the line " it's a free country " every day
27) The Sky Sports Blimp!
28) Impulse body spray for girls
29) Hooch Alcoholic Lemonade (where's it gone?!)
30) 'Don't forget your toothbrush', 'TFI' and Big Breakfast with Chris Evans
31) You had at least one troll
32) You know the dance to Macarena and Saturday Night. You also tried to scat like Scatman John! Bi bat ba ba da bo...
33) You watched Baywatch and longed for the day that Eddie & Sharni got together!
34) You watched Byker Grove 'ha ha ha whatcha laughin at!' (the Theme song ending), and saw PJ get shot in the eye with a paintball!
35) PJ and Duncan not Ant and Dec! Dodgy Pop Not Dodgy Presenting!
36) Shellsuits & bumbags!
37) You longed to live in Beverley Hills 90210
38) Home and Away was a prime time ITV programme watched by millions
39) You owned a Spice Girls album
40) Fruit salads and black jacks!
41) Strike it lucky on a sunday night with Michael Barrymore when he was straight & married
42) Chain letters
43) You had fake ID
44) You remember Todd Landers in Neighbours
45) You religiously watched Saved by the Bell on a Saturday morning!
46) You more than likely lost/nearly lost a wobbly tooth on a wham bar!!
47) CK one (probably the fake one from the market)
48) Going Live, then Live and Kicking was the place to be on a Saturday Morning - you know you remember the number 0181 811 8181
49) You knew every word to the theme tune from Fresh Prince of Bel Air
50) You collected Premier League Stickers and did swops at playtime
51) Girls wore crappy lipstick such as - coffee shimmer, heather shimmer and birthday suit!
52) You wore kickers and wallaby's with the tags hanging from them
53) You thought saying - " I know you are, but what am I " to every cuss that that came your way!
54) " love got the world in motion " with the John Barnes Rap
55) when you used to run away from some thing and shout ' leg iiiiiitt'

Drastic times call for drastic measures. Beware, hands off my spread!!
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I think I deserve a break!!

I've added over 1,200 words to my dissertation in the last day and a half, so I think I'm going to do some shopping. Of course I won't stop completely, I'm only on the 1930's. I've got at least 60 years to cover before friday!! The history of women in the Church of England and society is more complicated that I'd care to imagine! I'm still finding things I should mention!

What to buy?

I was wrong...

...but I still have my doubts.

Housemate has returned the 'stolen' items, claiming a mistake, having got up at 4am and never having seen the wash bag before. Lesson learnt? Don't assume, even at 4am in the morning. Still I haven't got an apology, nor did I get a text telling me housemate had found the wash bag. She jumped to her defence when I joked she had stolen my stuff, like she'd actually done something wrong, when she'd only made a mistake...

Had some sad news, but I'm not going to say anything here.

Ghosts and ghouls

Something is stealing my stuff and I don't know why. More chocolate spread has gone missing and so has my wash bag. There were three people in the house last night, two of which don't live here, so someone has moved stuff and not replaced it or stolen my things.

I don't feel safe in this house any more and that freaks me out. I'm meant to be able to trust everyone and not worry about it, because there are so many unwritten rules (please do not tell me they need to be written down) that everyone is aware of and having confronted each member of the house I know someone is lying, which leads me into an insecure place.

Who can I trust now? How do I find out who is lying and not get really angry about it? Do I just lock myself away til June and break all communications with my house?

Torn in half

Have you ever felt so divided you wish you could be in two places at once? Or even more than that? How about wishing that your brain could work on its own, while you had fun?

Thats how I feel. I'm elated that I've spent so much time with Helen and that I got the chance to share with a youth group who listen to my profoundness! I'm also elated that Henry is going to be here very soon.

Two 'buts' - I have been given a date for an interview at Lincoln, its the 4th May, which is too close to my dissertation deadline for me to even give it a second thought. Do universities think that third years have nothing to do 4 weeks before exams start? Hello! Its frustrating, but there is nothing I can do, other than decline or risk it, and I'm not a girl of risk. The other thing is my diss. I have loads to do for it. Nuff sed!

Anybody got a solution? Something that stretches time or gives me a change to enhance my brain power and typing skills (after all you're only as fast as your fingers!)

Southampton

I've been Wedding dress shopping in Southampton! It was a very brief experience, but I still enjoy standing in a white dress!! I only got to try on one, but it was a nice one!
The rest of my time here has been good, though I'd forgotten what it was like to rush around for a day! All fun, though I haven't done any work yet!
We watched Crash last night, weird but good, a little like love actually but more complicated and less love.
Back to Cheltenham tomorrow, and spending the weekend with Henry!